Funny joke

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.

lol

Time keeps going only to run away from Chuck Norris.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan!

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year.

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years.

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget.. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shitting me?

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Getting laid

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death.. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess.

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral…

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

And last: ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

.... some law suites recently ?

What is bigamy? One woman to much!
What is monogamy? The same!

Women don't get hysterical, they get historical.

historical ?

.... you don't mean more ... "epic" ?

like ... Lady MacBeth, Kriemhilds revenge, Helena causing the Trojan War .... ?

A woman is a person who looks always in a mirror, but not when try to park a car

A beauty woman is
- paradise for the eyes
- hell for soul
- purgatory for purse
(Bernard le Bovier de Fontenelle; french author (1657-1757))

The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?" Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"

Today I am a pessimist! A pessimist is an optimist with experience!

as children we were taught: if u lie or steal u go to jail. later on we realized: if u lie or steal u go to parliament.

and to jail after

Maybe to Romanian parliament i guess... not the Malaysian one i can confirmed that ... hehehe ...

when i think about Chauchesko ... Romanians have other traditions

A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."

an opinion without 3.14 is an onion.

thats something only mathematicians understand