Funny joke

Women are Smart

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into
the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found
a frog in a trap.
The frog said to her, "If you release me from this
trap, I will grant you three wishes."

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank
you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to
your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get
times ten!"
The woman said, "That's okay."

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful
woman in the world.
The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish
will also make your husband the most handsome man in the
world, an Adonis whom women will flock to".

The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be
the most beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for
me."
So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in
the world.
The frog said, "That will make your husband the
richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer
than you."

The woman said, "That's okay, because what's
mine is his and what's his is mine."
So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she
answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with
them.

Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for
you. Stop here and continue feeling good.

Male readers: Please scroll down.

The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife..
Moral of the story: Women think they're smart.
Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the
show

i know i should have left out the last part ...

OMG hilarious... especially the last part :D:D:D:D

And here comes the retaliation joke

Three Men on a Hike

Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large raging, violent river.

Needing to get to the other side, the first man prayed:
'God, please give me the strength to cross the river.'

Poof! .. God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice.

After witnessing that, the second man prayed:
'God, please give me strength and the tools to cross the river'

Poof! . God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs and he was able to row across in about an hour after almost capsizing once.

Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed:
'God, please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross the river'

Poof! .. He was turned into a woman.
She checked the map, hiked one hundred yards up stream and walked across the bridge.

Thanks, Anc, that just made my day

Young Love

A cop was patrolling late at night in a well-known spot. He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing. The cop carefully approaches the car to get a closer look. Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine. He immediately notices a young woman in the rear seat, filing her fingernails.

Puzzled by this surprising situation, the cop walks to the car and gently raps on the driver's window. The young man lowers his window. 'Uh, yes, Officer?'

The cop says: 'What are you doing?'

The young man says: 'Well, Officer, I'm reading a magazine.'

Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the cop says: 'And her, what is she doing?'

The young man shrugs: 'Sir, I believe she's filing her fingernails.'

Now, the cop is totally confused.. A young couple, alone, in a car, at night in a lover's lane ... and nothing obscene is happening!

The cop asks: 'What's your age, young man?'

The young man says: 'I'm 22, sir.'

The cop asks: 'And her ... what's her age?'

The young man looks at his watch and replies: 'She'll be 18 in 11 minutes.'

The Ranch Hand

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.

Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.

She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.

He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.

For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, 'You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels.' The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night..

One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock and no hired hand. Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him. She quietly called him over to her.

'Unbutton my blouse and take it off, she said.. Trembling, he did as she directed. 'Now take off my boots.' He did as she asked, ever so slowly.

'Now take off my socks.' He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.

'Now take off my skirt.' He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.

'Now take off my bra.' Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.

Then she looked at him and said, 'If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired.'

A pidgeon was flying trying to runaway from the upcoming winter, but got its wings frozen solid and fell to the ground. Right as he was defrosting a cow dumped its "cargo" onto the poor bird, discuising it and covering it completely, and the bird thought how bad and rude the cow was. The pidgeon wanted to cleanse its wings and set off for south when a cat jumped at it and ate it alive.

The conclusion: Everyone shitting on you is NOT necessarily your enemy, and everyone saving you from crap is NOT necessarily your friend.

Not really a joke, but rather a funny story.

P.S. I am not the author of this masterpiece and my language version may not represent the true quality of this story.

The Itch

Once upon a time lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts. Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try. One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, the King's chief doctor. Horatio thought about this and said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it. Without pause Nick readily agreed to the scheme.

The next day, Horatio made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's bra while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Nick would work as the antidote to cure the itch.

The King, eager to help his Queen, quickly summoned Nick to their chambers. Horatio then slipped Nick the antidote for the itching powder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen's large and magnificent breasts. The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick left satisfied and hailed as a hero. Upon returning to his chamber, Nick found Horatio demanding his payment of 1,000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick couldn't have cared less and, knowing that Horatio could never report this matter to the King, with a laugh told him to get lost.

The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's underwear. The King immediately summoned Nick.

The moral of the story............

Pay your bills.