The only vacation that I was truely fearful of...

Yesterday I left Millwood Hospital in Arlington, Texas, USA... and for those whom do not know, it is a special kind of hospital. You see it is for 3 primary things, psych, detox, and a temp housing for the elderly whom have one of the previous categories. I was there for the psych part of it. For those whom don't know already, I suffer with depression and anxiety. Last Wednesday I became suicidal for approx 1.3 hours, because of this I was taken to a hospital and then was sent to Millwood Hospital. I was no longer suicidal, but the guy who did an assessment apparently felt I could not be trusted. So my heart pulse rate went up by about double, then I left after getting my vitals. I had before then, a hamburger, fries and a drink, all of which I could not finish due to my problems with swallowing at times. I had some nicotine in my system and I had a little food in my stomach, I had the comfort of an ambulance ride on a stretcher. After a good chunk of time from the hospital to Millwood, I arrived, they open the back doors, they say,"would you like to walk in or have us roll you in?" I said I would walk in, hahaha, big mistake both my feet cramp up. I wait and got taken in after the night staff came to the door, then I was lead into a room where I had to fill some paper-work. The guy whom brought me in, well he only came in a few times to let me know he had not forgotten me. The last time he did, I was so happy, because I had to urinate (yes that is right, I used he word urinate) so damn bad I was almost willing, to use the plant in the room. Anyway, I finished the paperwork and was rushed through all of the forms I had to sign... which confused me, since only 2 things make sense in this situation, 1 they we all BS paperwork or 2 there was some parts which would case me to not sign. So I signed it all without asking questions, which I am sure wasn't the best idea... keep in mind that I was beginning to me a little tired and this guy although had taken a long time before this part, though had now sped up. After all my possessions were taken and searched through, I was given a bag with some of my things, they had to take out the strings from my shoes as well. I was lead into my room, it was pretty close to wake-up yell, so I just laid there until then. My roommate then got up when it was time for vitals and the wake-up yell. I then just tried to get my barrings instead of freaking out me losing a good amount of my freedom. Then came the morning smoke break, we all muddled outside into a decent weak garden of an area and chilled out while chain smoking. lol I later learned why, it is because you don't really know when the next one will come around.

[more to come later] [I will edit my post or will make a "reply" for the rest soon][also some errors will be fixed]

PS what is the thank'o'mat? I seem to leave it on when I post... what is it lol I am not sure if I should have it on or not.

Thank you three for your words and attention, I do my 2/3 of my whole to stay positive, sometimes it "seems" to be more difficult. What happened was a huge collapse and my structure didn't hold under the pressure. Humor is great and I use it a lot, especially to get me in a good/great mood. I learned a lot in Millwood, a lot of cooping skills. Some of which, if not all, I will be posting to help others in their daily lives. I know they will help me out loads and often.

I need to sleep soon, so I won't type to much right now. Thank you again and I will post more about my experience later.

Edit: Yes there are reasons for these things, I don't know them all however. There are I few I believe are true, one is that people sometimes hold stuff back and eventually it overflows all over the place. Another is that Chemical imbalances sometimes come about, which can be looked at in a few different ways. Some think it is caused by drugs, some genetic, or some other things. Sometimes multiple things combine, like depression+anxiety in a terrible situation. Either way we all need support systems both with other people and inside yourself. I just wanted to add that in before I forgot.

Thank you Shockwave, I am feeling better now, although I don't have my meds until 4pm (forum time UTC+1, 10am here) or so. I have had some instances of the precursers lately after being out of Millwood, possibly due partially to the missing of my meds last evening (my time). Otherwise it is due to other things. I have been watching some King of Queens lately which I find funny, I like to either do some activity or watch something funny when I get depressed. I am not as bad off in that area as some people, whom I will be a support beam for. Anyway I need some sleep soon, so this may be my last post for this awake session. I like saying it like that. lol

Edit: Michael: I will do that matey!

lol OP plain and simple, it boosted my mood a little, so thank you for it! lol

lol Yes, much better to get 1 word or super simple, although I have seen a few cases which are different. I will take the simple post of a face!

@Crysis or I1ian (which ever is correct^^) Thanks dudeman-guyofcoolness (seriously bra) for your words and advise, I also find faith helps a good amount. I learned more of that being true in faith-based groups in Millwood. Sometimes it is a big help, especially when in deep depression. Thanks again for your post, I appreciate it mate!

BTW, if anyone ever goes to such a place, if your a smoker... make sure and ask for one which allows it via smoke breaks. I was lucky enough to get one which has smoke breaks. I will tell you all here, that I have never smoked so much so many times. Once I smoked a lot in one go, because I wanted someone to notice it and figure I was annoyed... a test really... never again. lol

I will copy my cooping skills I learned from group sessions into a series of posts. I suppose that will be a different thread for the OFF TOPIC section, might be correct in different section. Any ideas on that would be appreciated. Which would be good for others adding to it.