Just a few thoughts.
Mission 31, Toledo autosaves as Mission 13, Toledo.
Also the story is very engaging... edge of seat engaging imo... (although Mission 31 was basically just flying and hoping not to get blown up by many many huge fish...). The evolving plot, atmosphere, visuals and music are actually better executed than the original vanilla storyline.
I notice the text has some minor grammatical and stylistic points that could do with touching up. Would that be an idea?
That having been said I actually like that the Dom Kavash "english" doesn't quite sound native... it makes it seem more realistic.
