Funny joke

Memo to all employees:

In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from
employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through
our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T).

We are trying to give our employees more S.H.I.T than anyone else. If you
feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T on the course, please
see your supervisor. You will be immediately placed at the top of the
S.H.I.T list and our supervisors are especially skilled at seeing you get
all the S.H.I.T you can handle.

Employees who don't take their S.H.I.T will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL
EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P.S.H. I.T) ..

Those who fail to take D.E.E.P.S.H. I.T seriously will have to go to
EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T.S.H.I. T).

Since our supervisors took S.H.I.T before they were promoted, they don't
have to do S.H.I.T anymore, and are all full of S.H.I.T already. If you are
full of S.H.I.T you may be interested in a job teaching others. We can add
your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LIST of LEADERS (B.U.L.L.S.H. I.T) ..

For employees who are intending to pursue a career in management and
consulting, we will refer you to the department of MANAGERIAL OPERATIONAL
RESEARCH EDUCATION (M.O.R.E.S.H. I.T) . This course emphasizes how to manage
M.O.R.E.S.H. I.T

If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TEACHING,
SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T.S.H.I. T)..

Thank you,

BOSS IN GENERAL, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (B.I.G.S.H.I. T)

P.S. Now send this S.H.I.T to 5 people who need S.H.I.T in their life, just
not the same person who sent you this S.H.I.T . They have already had their
fill of S.H.I.T .

Thank you for your time. !

Sincerely,
The Director Under the Main Bureau of Super High Intensity Training .
(The D.U.M.B.S.H. I.T)

roflrofl

roflcopter

A blonde is on a four-engine plane. All of a sudden there's a loud bang. The pilot comes on the radio and says, I'm sorry, our first engine has just shut off. We'll be delayed 45 minutes. Then there's another bang. Once again, the radio comes on and the pilot says the same thing except that the second engine shut down and that they'll be delayed nearly two hours. After that, the third engine shuts off and the pilot tells the passengers that they will be delayed 3 hours. The blonde turns to the guy sitting beside her and says, Man, if the fourth engine shuts off we'll be up here all day.

loool

A woman and a baby were in the doctors examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in.

The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight and found it somewhat below normal. The doctor asked if the baby was breast fed or bottle fed.

Breast fed, the woman replied.

Well, strip down to your waist, the doctor asked. She did. He pressed, kneaded, rolled, cupped, and pinched both breasts in a detailed, rigorously thorough examination.

Motioning for her to get dressed he said, No wonder this baby is under weight! You dont have any milk.

I know, she said, Im his grandmother, but Im glad I came.

----------

This farmer has 500 hens but no rooster so he goes to his neighbour and asks him if he could buy a rooster for $100.

The neighbour says, "You can have this rooster. His name's Roy. He'll get all your hens pregnant. He's a real stud."

So the farmer takes him home and says, "It's your first day so take it slow, okay?"

The farmer puts Roy in the hen house and then hears all the hens crying and yelling. Roy nailed every one of those hens and then nailed a duck and a goose at a pond.

The next morning the farmer finds Roy lying dead with his legs sticking in the air and buzzards circling overhead.

The farmer says, "Roy, did you have to die?"

Roy says, "Quiet! They're about to land!"

Red hat is walking through the forest, when the big, bad wolf pulls her into the bushes. She now thiks this is it & that the wolf will now screw her. She pulls up her skirt, pulls down her panties, then the wolf says:
''You stupid or somethin`? I`m not gonna f*ck you... hand over your wallet & watch!''

[675] [670] [698] [671]

A man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw a man eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

"Why are you eating grass?" he asked the man.

"I don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.

"Oh, please come to my house!"

"But sir, I have a wife and four children..."

"Bring them along!" the rich man said.

They all climbed into the limo. Once underway, the poor fellow said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us in."

The rich man replied, "No, you don't understand. The grass at my house is over three feet tall!"

lol

A fight that never ends:
[550]

It's the year 2389, and Martian and earth couples are living peaceably side by side. One day, an earth couple and a Martian couple are having lunch and the subject of sex comes up. Because the earth couple has so many questions, the couples decide to swap partners for a week. A little later, the Martian man and the earth woman are alone in a bedroom, getting undressed. When the Martian is naked, the woman is surprised that his penis is only 1/2 inch long and a 1/2 inch wide.

"Hold on," says the Martian, who slaps his face, which makes his penis grow longer with each snap. "Oops, it's not wide enough yet." He pulls his ears, and with each tug, his penis grows wider. "All set!" he says, and the Martian and the woman have incredible, mind-blowing sex. Later, the woman meets up with her husband, and asks him how it was.

"Well, it was fine. But I have a headache now because she kept pulling my ears and slapping my face."

lol xD

and what the martian woman made with the human ? O-º

just guess...

----

A beautiful woman loved to garden, but couldn't seem to get her tomatoes to turn red.

One day while taking a stroll she came upon a neighbour who had the most beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes.

The woman asked the gentlemen, "What do you do to get your tomatoes red?"

The gentlemen responded, "Well, twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garden and expose myself, and my tomatoes turn red from blushing so much."

The woman was so impressed, she decided to try doing the same thing to her tomato garden to see if it would work. So twice a day for two weeks she exposed herself to her garden hoping for the best.

One day the gentlemen was passing by and asked the woman, "By the way, how did you make out? Did your tomatoes turn red?"

"No" she replied, "but my cucumbers are enormous."

lol... so who did better job

lol, are they human ? to smack people so much.. maybe martians