haha, not a chance,
sir
mayhaps?
i think me likes
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In NowSign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountThere are 56 replies in this Thread. The last Post () by SWAT_OP-R8R.
haha, not a chance,
sir
mayhaps?
i think me likes
nope
huh
The limousine was taking the beautiful, raven-haired model to the
airport. Halfway there, the front tire went flat. The model said, "Driver, I don't have
time to wait for road service. Can you change it yourself?" The driver said, "Sure." He got
out of the car and proceeded to change the tire, but couldn't get the wheel cover off. The
model saw him struggling and asked, "Do you want a screwdriver?" He said "Sure! But, first I
have to change this tire."
A vampire goes into a pub and asks for boiling
water. The barman says "I thought you only drank blood?" The vampire pulls out a used tampon
and says "I'm making tea".
Three guys are discussing women. "I like to watch
a woman's tits best, " the first guy says.
The second says "I like to look at a woman's
ass." He asks the third guy "What about you?". "Me? I prefer to see the top of her
head."
Men's Mastercard Commercial
Cover Charge $15.00
Round
of Drinks $23.00
Table Dance- $30.00
Another round of drinks $23.00
Couch dance and
tips $50.00
A round of shots $34.00
Private dance in your hotel room $300.00
Being
able to send her on her way and never have to hear her complain:
***PRICELESS****
A man was driving down a quiet country lane when out
into the road strayed a rooster. Whack! The rooster disappeared under the car in a cloud of
feathers. Shaken, the man pulled over at the farmhouse and rang the doorbell. A farmer
appeared. The man somewhat nervously said, "I think I killed your rooster, please allow me
to replace him." "Suit yourself," the farmer replied, "the hens are round the back."
ROFLMFAO where do you find these jokes? and i dont get
the 3rd one.............
lol
well the 3rd is about blowjobs
Heres somethin i saw recently, reminds me of my chat
prowess (thats why they call me "jibbers"). Dunno if it translates to Euros well, but it's
purty good with those whose first language is English.
_________________________________________
"Typogycemia is not, as you may think,
a blood
disorder. It refers to the remarkable powers of the
human mind, which is why
you will be able to read the
following paragraph without difficulty."
"I cdnuolt
blveiee that I cluod aulactly uesdnatnrd
what I was rdanieg. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch
at
Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr
the ltteers in a wrod are,
the olny iprmoatnt tihng is
taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae.
The
rset can be a taotl mses and you can sittl raed it
wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae
the hamun mnid
deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a
wlohe. And
we awlyas tohguht slpeling was ipmorantt!"
Yep, asblutoley!
wats the meaning of the word
snide????
throw a brick thru a window of a OAPs house and ask for it
bak
LOL!
i have another one that my not very nice m8 told me and its not nice
[32] [39]
One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk
with the minister at the
local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem,
my
husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very
embarrassing. What
should I do?"
"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you.
I
will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will
motion to you at specific
times. When I motion, you give him a
good poke in the leg."
In church the
following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing
this, the preacher put his plan to work.
"And who made the
ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs.
Jones.
"Jesus!", Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with
the
hatpin.
"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr.
Jones
nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is
your redeemer?" he asked the
congregation, motioning towards
Mrs. Jones.
"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was
stuck again with the hatpin.
"Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long,
Mr.
Jones again winked off. However, this time the minister did not
notice. As he
picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few
motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as
signals to bayonet her
husband with the hatpin again.
The minister asked, "And
what did Eve say to Adam after she bore
him his 99th son?"
Mrs. Jones poked her
husband, who yelled, "You stick that
goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break
it in half
and shove it up your ass!"
"Amen," replied the
congregation.
this ones great...
Three men who were lost in the forest
were captured by
cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could
live
if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go
to the forest and get ten
pieces of the same kind of fruit. So
all three men went separate ways to gather
fruits.
The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten
apples." The
king then explained the trial to him. "You have to
shove the fruits up your butt without
any expression on your
face or you'll be eaten."
The first apple went in... but
on the second one he winced out
in pain, so he was killed.
The second one arrived
and showed the king ten berries. When the
king explained the trial to him he thought to
himself that this
should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the
ninth
berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.
The first guy and the second guy met
in heaven. The first one
asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?"
The
second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy
coming with
pineapples."
lol another good one
Coming into the bar and ordering a double,
the man leaned over
and confided to the bartender, "I'm so pissed off !"
"Oh
yeah? What happened?" asked the bartender politely.
"See, I met this beautiful woman
who invited me back to her
home. We stripped off our clothes and jumped into bed and
we
were just about to make love when her god damned husband came in
the front door. So
I had to jump out of the bedroom window and
hang from the ledge by my fingernails!"
"Gee, that's tough!" commiserated the bartender.
"Right, but that's not
what really got me aggravated," the
customer went on.
"When her husband came into
the room he said 'Hey great! You're
naked already! Let me just take a leak.' And
damned if the lazy
son of a bitch didn't piss out the window right onto my head?"
"Yeech!" the bartender shook his head. "No wonder you're in a
lousy mood."
"Yeah, but I haven't told you what really, really got to me.
Next, I had to
listen to them grunting and groaning and when
they finished, the husband tossed his
condom out of the window.
And where does it land? My damned forehead!"
"Damn,
that really is a drag!" says the bartender.
"Oh, I'm not finished. See what really
pissed me off was when
the husband had to take a dump. It turns out that their
toilet
is broken, so he stuck his ass out of the window and let loose
right on my head
!"
The bartender paled. "That would sure mess up my day."
"Yeah, yeah,
yeah," the fellow rattled on, "but do you know what
REALLY, REALLY, REALLY pissed me off?
When I looked down and saw
that my feet were only SIX inches off the ground!!"
ONE
MORE
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have
dinner with
her parents. Since this is such a big event, the
girl announces to her boyfriend that
after dinner, she would
like to go out and make love for the first time.
Well,
the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so
he takes a trip to the
pharmacist to get some condoms. The
pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells
the boy
everything there is to know about condoms and sex.
At the register, the
pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms
he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family
pack. The boy
insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather
busy, it
being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents
house and
meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to
meet my
parents, come on in!"
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where
the
girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace
and bows his head.
A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his
head down.
10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.
Finally, after 20
minutes with his head down, the girlfriend
leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I
had no idea you
were this religious."
The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no
idea your father was
a pharmacist."
heard the first 2, second ones just wrong and 3rd ones hilarious!
lol
Q. I married Miss Right.
A. I just didn't know her first name was
"Always."
Q. Three words to ruin a man's ego...
A. "Is it
in?"
Q. Why do men die before their wives?
A. They want
to.
Q. What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A. "How do you
breath through something so small?"
A little boy walks into his parents' room to see
his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts,
worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him.
The son
sees his mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?"
The mother replies "Well you
know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten
it."
"You're wasting your time, " said the boy.
"Why is that?" asked his mom,
puzzled.
"Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her
knees and blows it right back up."
lol good one
nice 1)
Ask any man what a woman's
ultimate fantasy is and they will tell you, to have two men at once. According to a recent
social logical study this is true, however most men do not realize that in this fantasy, one
man is cooking, and the other is cleaning.
Between the ages of 16 and 18, she is
like Africa, virgin and unexplored. Between the ages of 19 and 35, she is like Asia, hot and
exotic. Between the ages of 36 and 45, she is like America, fully explored, breathtakingly
beautiful, and free with her resources. Between the ages of 46 and 56 she is like Europe,
exhausted but still has points of interest. After 56, she is like Australia, everybody knows
it's down there but who gives a damn.
A man was stranded in the desert for ten
years. One day, a woman in a wetsuit walked up to this man and said, "Would you like a cigar
?" The man said, "Lady, I ain't smoked in ten years." So, the woman unzipped the left arm
of her wetsuit, and pulled out a cigar. Then, she said, "Would you like a drink ?" The man
said, "Lady, I ain't drank in ten years." So, she unzipped the right arm of her wetsuit,
and pulled out a bottle of Jack Daniels. Last, she unzipped the front of her wetsuit and
said, "Would you like to play around ?" The man said with astonishment... "You mean to tell
me that you got a golf set in there, too?!?!"