Funny shit

At the beginning god created the man.
He looked at his beautiful work and

was totally happy so he created the woman.
Then he got worried about the man so he gave

him the alcohol.

Candlelight dinner:
She: Kiss me just one more time and

im yours for the rest of your life.
He: Thanks for the warning...

He +

she having sex:
She starts to scream: yeah... oh yeahhh - tell me something dirty!
He:

Kitchen, Bathroom, living room....

A young woman goes to the supermarket

a little bit shopping... she has to pay: 1 piece of soap, 1l milk, 1 pizza, 1 bread and

tooth paste.
Then the clerk: "you are single right?"
The women: "How did you find out

that?"
The clerk: "Because you are totally ugly"

"Would you buy

shoes if you have no legs?"
"No"
"Then why do you buy

dessous?"

At the golden wedding the husband got asked what the best

time was in all those years of marriage.
He replied: "The 5 years when i was prisoned in

russia after the war"

Why are on this world more women than

men?
Because there is much more to clean up than to

think.

What do a woman and a computer have in common?
IF you

would have waited half a year longer then you would have got something

better.

After god created man and woman he looked at his work.

First his view went to the man and he said "this perfect and beautiful body... this is

my best work".
Then his view went over to the woman.
"Hmmm ehmm well... then YOU will

have to use makeup"

oh i think she will say "funny guy this OP-R8R"
hell that are only

jokes... lol
i mean my ex-gfs had to live with that and my future gfs will also have to

live with that.... such things make life more interesting

better than a boring

world without all this

Quote

TTTC|MarcBomber> btw

next weekend i am in paris so not available
SWAT_OP-R8R> then greet her

Quote

ok (what will she answer when i say "and a HELLO from

op"??)

she will say "tell him that last night was just great and that he

shouldnt publish the video on the net"

ok and here are some

jokes

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th

anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked

the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your

mind?"

The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck

your tits dry."

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking

now?"

He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good

job."

How are women and tornadoes alike?

They both moan

like hell when they come, and take the house when they

leave.

There are four kinds of sex :

HOUSE

SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every

room.

BEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the

bedroom.

HALL SEX - After you've been married for many, many years you just pass

each other in the hall and say "FUCK YOU"

COURTROOM SEX - When your wife and her

lawyer fuck you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you've

got.

This beautiful woman one day walks into a

doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his

professionallism goes right out the window...

He tells her to take her pants, she

does, and he starts rubbing her thighs.

"Do you know what I am doing?" asks the

doctor?

"Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies.

He tells her to take

off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks,

"Do you know what I am doing now?", she replies, "Yes, checking for cancer."

Finally,

he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts

having sex with her. He says to her, "Do you know what I am doing now?"

She replies,

"Yes, getting herpies - thats why I am here!"

some of them ive

heard/seen - some i post from time to time on the server are just what came into my mind ->

"original OP-jokes" TM(c)(R)
well sometimes its good to be creative

A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle

of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I

wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past

ten minutes!"

A woman posts an ad in the news paper that

looks like this...

'Looking for man with these qualifications; won't beat me up; or

run away from me and is great in bed.'

She got lots of phone calls replying to her

ad but met someone perfect at her door one day. The man she met said, "Hi, I'm Bob. I have

no arms so I won't beat you up and no legs so I won't run away."

So the lady says,

"What makes you think you are great in bed?"

Bob replies, "I rang the door bell

didn't I?"

One Christmas Eve, Santa

Claus comes down the chimney and is startled by a beautiful 19 year old blonde. She said

"Santa, will you stay with me?", Santa replied, "Ho Ho Ho gotta go, gotta go, gotta deliver

these toys to good girls and boys."

So she took off her night gown, wearing only a

bra and panties, she asked "Santa, now will you stay with me?"

"Ho Ho Ho gotta go,

gotta go, gotta deliver these toys to gook girls and boys."

She takes off everything

and says "Santa, now will you stay with me?"

Santa replies "Gotta stay, gotta stay,

can't get up the chimney with my dick this

way!"

This guy wakes up out of a deep sleep and,

feeling real horny, nudges his wife awake and asks, "Why don't we get it on, eh?" She

replies, "I have an appointment at the gynecologist tomorrow and you know I don't like to

make love the night before." So the husband agrees and rolled back over and started to go

back to sleep.

A few minutes later, he nudges his wife again and asks, "You don't by

any chance have a dentist's appointment tomorrow, do

you?"

Clinton dies and of course goes straight to

hell. When he gets there the Devil greets him and offers him three ways to spend eternity.

They go to the first door and the Devil shows him Newt Gingrich, hanging from the ceiling

with fire under him. Bill says "Oh no! Thats not how I want to spend all eternity......."

They go to the second door. The Devil shows him Rush Limbaugh chained to the wall being

tortured. Bill says "Oh no! Not for me!"

They go to the third door. Behind it is Ken

Starr, chained to the wall with Monica Lewinsky on her knees giving him a blowjob. Bill

thinks and decides, "Hmmm, looks okay to me. Ill take it." The Devil then says, "Good. Hey

Monica, youve been replaced."

A young boy and his

father were in a store when they walked past a rack of condoms. Being a curious young lad,

the boy asked his father, "What are these things daddy?" His dad said, "Condoms son." The

boy asked, "Why do they come in packs of 1,3, and 12?" The dad replied, "The packs with one

are for the high school boys, one for Saturday night, the ones with three are for the

college boys, one for Friday, Saturday and Sunday, and the ones with twelve in them are for

the married men, one for January, one for February, one for

March...."

One day this girl was talking to her friend and

she said to her, "My boyfriend bought me flowers for Valentines day this year so I guess I

have to put my legs in the air for him.", and her friend replied, "Why? Don't you have a

vase?"

A guy comes home from work, walks into his bedroom,

and finds a stranger fucking his wife. He says, "What the hell are you two doing?" His wife

turns to the stranger and says, "I told you he was stupid."