r
_______
_________________
Darth Vader: Obi Wan never told you what happened to your
father.
Luke: He told me enough! He told me you killed him!
Darth Vader: No...
I am your father!
Luke: No, it's not true! It's impossible.
Darth Vader:
Search your feelings... you know it to be true...
Luke: NO!
Darth Vader: Yes,
it is true... and you know what else? You know that brass droid of yours?
Luke:
Threepio?
Darth Vader: Yes... Threepio... I built him... when I was 7 years
old...
Luke: No...
Darth Vader: Seven years old? And what have you done? Look
at yourself, no hand, no job, and couldn't even levitate your own ship out of the
swamp...
Luke: I destroyed your precious Death Star!
Darth Vader: When you
were 20! When I was 10, I single-handedly destroyed a Trade Federation Droid Control
ship!
Luke: Well, it's not my fault...
Darth Vader: Oh, here we go... "Poor
me... my father never gave me what I wanted for my birthday... boo hoo, my daddy's the Dark
Lord of the Sith...waahhh wahhh!"
Luke: Shut up...
Darth Vader: You're a
slacker! By the time I was you're age, I had exterminated the Jedi knights!
Luke: I
used to race my T-16 through Beggar's Canyon
Darth Vader: Oh, for the love of the
Emperor... 10 years old, winner of the Boonta Eve Open... Only human to ever fly a Pod
Racer... right here baby!
Luke looks down the shaft. Takes a step towards
it.
Darth Vader: I was wrong... You're not my kid... I don't know whose you are,
but you sure ain't mine...
Luke takes a step off the platform, hesitates, then
plunges down the shaft.
Darth Vader looks after him.
Darth Vader: Get a
haircut!
________________________
Interview With Microsith
Darth Rich: Darth Fences, let me begin this interview by saying what a great honour it
is to be here with you today.
Darth Fences: Thank you.
DR: Firstly, I'd
like to ask how things are going with the company? How are your plans shaping up?
DF: Everything is going as planned. The Republic will soon be in my command.
DR: You have come under fire recently for your treatment of other software producers.
What do you feel Microsith should do about it's competition?
DF: Wipe them
out...all of them.
DR: Don't you think that's a little harsh? You are currently
being investigated by the Senate for exploiting your market position. How does that make you
feel?
DF: Good. I have the Senate bogged down in procedures. By the time this
incident comes up for a vote, they will have no choice but to accept our control of the
system.
DR: But things were looking pretty bad for Microsith at one point. What
happened?
DF: Enter the bureaucrats, the true rulers of the Republic, and on the
payroll of the Trade Federation, I might add.
DR: So lets discuss the competition
you do have. The "Open Force" movement, lead by Linus Torvalds, is gaining popularity among
many of your ex-users, especially academics. What about them?
DF: They have grown
strong. Only together can we turn them to the dark side of the Source.
DR: But
what about Universities? They use other, Light Side systems. How do you plan to deal with
them?
DF: Move against the Admin first...you will then have no difficulty taking the
Users back. Students are young and naive. I find controlling them not to be difficult.
DR: What of Richard Stallman?
DF: We have a new enemy - Linus Torvalds. He could
destroy us. The Source is strong with him. The son of Torvalds must not become a Hacker.
DR: What if he were to work for you?
DF: Yes. Yes. He would be a great
asset. Can it be done?
DR: I doubt it.
DF: He will join us or die.
DR: But that's impossible!
DF: ...not for a Sith...
DR: But Linux
will only grow in popularity...
DF: Perhaps you refer to the imminent release of
RedHat 6.1? Yes...I assure you we are quite safe from your friends. Everything that has
transpired has done so according to my design. Your friends out there in Durham... are
walking into a trap. My Empire is quite safe from your pitiful little band. I have given
NTie away free to everybody in every University in the Galaxy! Oh...I'm afraid the
deflector shield will be quite operational when your friends arrive.
Ahem, sorry,
getting my speeches mixed up again.
DR: Giving it away to everybody? Doesn't
that create a monopoly? Is that legal?
DF: I will make it legal.
DR: I
should have known. Only you could be so bold. The Senate will not stand for this, when they
hear you've attacked they will retaliate in kind.
DF: The ability to destroy a
planet is insignificant next to the power of the Source.
DR: I can't believe I'm
hearing this...
DF: I find your lack of faith disturbing. Perhaps you think you're
being treated unfairly.
DR: You promised me an honest interview...
DF: I
am altering the deal. Pray I don't alter it any further.
DR: I'll never use your
software.
DF: It is useless to resist. Don't let yourself be destroyed as Apple
did. With our combined strength, we can end this destructive conflict and bring order to the
galaxy.
DR: What about the claims that your latest Operating System won't be ready on
time?
DF: Windows 5000 will be completed on schedule!
