An expat Aussie is hanging out in his favourite bar in Phuket thinking about his wretched life, when he spots a fabulous babe walking in on the arm of some ugly tourist. He asks the bartender about her and is not surprised to discover that she's a prostitute. He watches her the rest of the night, thinking he has to get a piece of action but being an Aussie expat he's a bit bashful, does nothing and goes home frustrated.
The next night he goes back to the bar, and sure enough, she shows up again, only this time alone. The guy gets up his nerve and approaches her.
"Is it true you're a prostitute?"
"Why, sure, big boy. What can I do for you?"
"Well, I dunno. What do you charge?"
"I get $100 just for a hand job. We can negotiate from there..."
"$100!?! For a handjob? Are you nuts?"
"You see that Ferrari out there?"
The guy looks out the front door, and sure enough there's a shiny new Ferrari parked outside.
"I paid cash for that Ferrari with the money I made on hand jobs. Trust me, it's worth it."
The guy mulls it over for a while, and decides what the hell. He leaves with her, and gets the most unbelievable experience he's ever had. This hand job was better than any complete sexual experience in his miserable life. The next night he's back at the bar, waiting eagerly for her to show up. When she does, he immediately approaches her.
"Last night was incredible!"
"Of course it was. Just wait till you try one of my blow jobs.."
"How much is that, then?" "$500."
"$500!?! C'mon, that's ridiculous!"
"You see that apartment building across the street?"
The guy looks out front at a 12 storey apartment building.
"I paid cash for that building with the money I made on blow jobs. Trust me, it's worth it."
Based on the night before, the guy decides to go for it. He leaves with her, and once again is not disappointed. He faints. Twice.
The next night he can hardly contain himself until she shows up.
"I'm hooked, you're the best! Tell me, what'll it cost me for some pussy?"
She motions for him to follow her outside. She points down the street.
"You see every bar and building in this street..."
"Aw, c'mon! You can't be serious!"
She nods her head. "You bet. If I had a pussy, I'd own the fucking lot!"
Posts by Ancalagon
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The results from this Tuesdays (8th Sept 2009) Event
Top Gun Winner: SMG_Picard (4 kills)
Prize $35,000,000Runner-Up: PX_Liva (1 kill)
Prize $15,000,000Other Pilots, each getting $4,000,000
DC_Blade (4 kills)
DC_Maxbur (2 kills)
BG_Spiky (2 kills)
BG_Corynthos
DC_Hipo
Feuerdrache
SFP_Death Eater
TRF_Death Rain
TRF_HourSorry for the delay in posting. Thanx to Huor for advertising the event.
Good turn out, thanx to all for coming. Hope to see you next week.
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Top Gun Event will be running tomorrw, Tuesday 8th September 2009.
Please meet in Arena from 20:45 for [SIZE=4]start time of 21:00 Server Time[/SIZE]
(Use "/time" command to discover what the current Server Time is)
Hope to see you there
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I can't tell you if there is a Vista guide but I can tell you what I did to get CF running on Vista. Follow the CF guide but at every stage you install a program, don't double click, right click and select 'Run a Admin'. This includes installing the game, so don't let the CD autorun, open it and find the install .exe and run that as admin as well.
Hope that helps.
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I thought that most of "life's various unpleasantries" came in the form of a stoned wench with a nail file
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Patience is a waste of time
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Thanx for keeping us informed OP
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When reinstalling, follow the instructions given here: http://www.swat-portal.com/portal/download/CFguide.swf
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Have you turned off 3D sound?
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Thanx for enlightening me. This development will have to be monitored.
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Why would we plan a trip on a day that the gate is closed?
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Is this going to effect the RRS at all?
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Happy Birthday 1st PX
Wishing you many more years of success (shooting pirates^^)
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Clans set the rules for their own systems and so there is no one answer for that question.
For Tohoku, DC clan system, if there are no DC members online then the system is closed.
I believe Nephele (TRF) have a similar rule. Custo (BG) is open to non-pirates. Sovetskaya (SFP) only limits access to players lvl 65+. So you will need to ask a clan member or see the system rules for each clan system to be sure.
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I will be unavailable to run Top Gun tomorrow (17th August 2009).
If any other player is able to take over this event for this week then please do so. Contact me if you need help or advice.
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It's 130Mb
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Hi Noob, erm I mean Raven
Glad you found CF and are enjoying it, good luck with the exploring.
Anc.
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Have you checked the installation guide @ http://www.swat-portal.com/portal/download/CFguide.swf ?
Made sure all previous save games deleted?
It is usualy a good idea to uninstall Feelance and delete all related folders, then do a fresh install of FL.
If you still have problems, then give us a few more details ie which OS you are using.
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Top Gun(s Only) was run yesterday with 5 pilots taking part.
The whole event (2 rounds + final) only took 45 minutes.
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The results from tonights (11th Aug 2009) Event
Top Gun Winner: SMG_Picard (6 kills)
Prize $35,000,000Runner-Up: BG_Spiky (2 kills)
Prize $15,000,000Other Pilots, each getting $4,000,000
PX_Semaka (2 kills)
BG_Corynthos (1 kill)
BG_Rawnjai (1 kill)
FALLEN_Ryder Hook
PX_Daywalker
PX_IceBearThere was a second Guns Only Top Gun Event
Top Guns Only Winner: BG_Corynthos (5 kills)
Prize $35,000,000Runner-Up: BG_Spiky (2 kills)
Prize $15,000,000Other Pilots, each getting $4,000,000
BG_Rawnjai
SMG_Picard
FALLEN_Ryder Hook (absent for 2nd round)No results where published for last weeks events as I managed to lose the bit of paper I made notes on (lesson learnt, never tidy up again).
As I recall (32% chance of being correct) :
Top Guns Only Winner: SMG_Eclipsya (some kills)
Prize $35,000,000Runner-Up: PX_Semaka (not as many kills)
Prize $15,000,000Many thanx to BG & SFP who turned up and gave me large lumps of cash for prizes.
Cya next week
