Posts by SWAT_OP-R8R

    By Obe


    Mossop and Phillip Wright



    This story takes place after Jem'Hadar and Alpha


    Quadrant Part II



    In a distant corner of the Federation, devoid of the war


    with the Dominion as well as the new threat that appeared at Deep Space Nine seeking to


    cause havoc and destruction, a small vessel jumps out of hyperspace, its black rippling skin


    camouflaging it with darkness of the space behind. It then begins scanning the area for any


    contacts or traces. The fleet would be through shortly and this scout was to ensure they


    could pass through the area with little to no danger. The small black vessel ceases motion


    and starts to hover in position. Its sensors suddenly pick up a small fleet of ships;


    identical to that of the threat they now fight. The scout ceases its scanning and hones in


    on the ships



    With the battle at Deep Space Nine over Starfleet, seeing the


    threat of this new encounter has now decided to take a defensive posture against the enemy


    advance. The Starfleet ships long-range sensors receive a Borg Cube on an intercept course


    for Earth. This was a third attempt to assimilate the billions upon Paradise. The small


    fleet of four Starfleet Ships had gathered to make a stand, to draw the line before it


    reaches Federation controlled space as it heads for Earth. The USS Carthage under the


    command of Admiral Morris had assumed command of the fleet as the large cubical beast


    approaches their position.



    Status, Lieutenant commander the admiral asked


    for an update, impatiently awaiting for the Cube to arrive, so they may make their stand


    here.



    All systems fully operational, shields are up and all weapons


    standing by." The tactical officer stood overhead from the Admiral's chair, constantly


    running diagnostics on the tactical systems, not wishing to be caught with a systems failure


    as Borg weaponry blazes from every orifice.



    "Good, are the modifications


    online as I instructed you?" The admiral enquired into this, hoping that the tiny project


    that he had been heading within R&D was successful, through all the computer simulations


    that had been run on it before the proto-type was constructed, he hoped it would be, in real


    combat.



    "EM Pulse torpedoes are online and fully operational." The officer


    reported. The new weapon was online and ready to combat the Borg.





    "Excellent! I hope that the Electro Magnetic Pulse Torpedoes are enough to deal


    sufficient damage to a Borg cube. They are designed to disable anything with an electronic


    component. If they work they should cripple the Borg, leaving them defenseless. The admiral


    arose from his chair to explain the specifics of the new weapon in the Carthage's arsenal


    as well as the other three ships, that were to provide the overall firepower if the test


    deemed unsuccessful and they would find themselves up against a fully operational Borg


    cube.



    "At our mercy, sir." The officer said displaying her comic wit even


    through the dangerous mission that they were to undertake that could send them all to their


    deaths if wasn't successful.



    "You ever heard of a Borg show mercy,


    Lieutenant Commander." The admiral suppressed his laughter at the situation and maintained a


    hard posture. Many of his friends had died at Wolf 359, when the Borg first attempted their


    attack on Earth and he wanted them to pay dearly for what they had done.





    "No, sir." She returned to her console that as soon as her eyes lowered to the


    display, it sprung to life."



    "Sir, Picking up a transwarp signature. Here


    they come." She said as the sensors picked up the trace of the transwarp conduit that


    formed ahead of their position.



    "Red Alert, all crew to battle stations.


    Signal the fleet." The admiral ordered as he sat back down in his seat with force as he


    prepared for the battle against the Borg and the ultimate test of his weapon that hopefully


    would be the answer to repelling the determinisation of the Borg collective.





    The massive cube phased from the transwarp conduit and edged toward the lowly


    Starfleet ships, bringing with it the certain death and destruction.



    "All


    ships, fire at will!" The admiral ordered as the fleet opened fire with a volley of photon


    torpedoes. White flashes from the modified torpedoes impacted on the hull of the


    cube.



    "EM Torpedo detonation confirmed, reading zero energy output in that


    section." She read out from the sensor display with hope and glee now rising in her voice


    as the weapon proved successful.


    Then the Borg fought back, deadly beams rapidly


    sprouted from every orifice in an array of green color at the Starfleet Ships, their shields


    repelling the majority of damage.



    "Damage report" Admiral Morris ordered as


    he felt the Intrepid class ship shake from the weapon impact, the Carthage swept past the


    bulk of the cube, a phaser burst struck at the hull.



    "Shields down to


    sixty-three percent, hull fractures detected between decks three and nine" The lieutenant


    reported, the hope and glee now gone from her voice as the Borg retaliated to the Starfleet


    ship's puny attack.



    "Damn, how much damage did we cause?" He said as he


    continued to watch the action outside as the Carthage made several hit and run passes,


    opening fire with a mixture of torpedoes and phaser fire that seemed to do very


    little.



    "Minimal damage, torpedoes are still operational but were not


    causing enough damage. It won't be long until the Borg adapt, sir." She said with heavy


    concern as though the new weapon worked, it didn't to the high standard that everyone had


    hoped for as the Borg were now beating them back.


    The admiral watched as the Galaxy


    class cruiser, Regal initiated a similar hit and run assault as it passed on full impulse,


    throwing everything it had, torpedo after torpedo, phaser blast after phaser blast, but it


    wasnt enough to cause damage to call it significant. A beam from the cube suddenly struck


    at the cruisers port nacelle, ripping it from the support structure. The Regal lost


    navigation control as it dove towards the side of the cube.



    "Bridge to


    transporter room, beam the crew aboard" Admiral Morris ordered with extreme swiftness and


    pace to his voice as he watched the Galaxy impact on the hull in a large fireball, leaving a


    significant chunk missing from the cube.



    "Survivors? he said very grimly as


    over a thousand lives were lost in that single explosion. So many in those very few seconds


    was very hard to believe.



    None that I can detect, if there are any, quite


    soon they will be Borg anyway the operations officer replied after scanning what was left


    of the Regal, the surviving pieces of the Galaxy class starship now drifted through space,


    nothing more now than garbage.



    Sir, I'm reading a quantum singularity


    forming 10,000 kilometers from our location the tactical officer reported with extreme


    surprise and of what she could not believe.



    Why? How? Admiral Morris now


    shared the same surprise, a little puzzled by the turn of events now occurring and the


    inbound arrival that would be seen there.



    I am unsure, wait there are


    multiple ships emerging from the singularity, they're opening fire She shouted from her


    console as she kept a close eye on the new contacts.



    Evasive maneuvers.


    The admiral shouted his swift order and the Carthage began to maneuver away from the cube


    with incredible speed.



    Sir, They're not firing on us. Theyre attacking


    the Borg..." A complete shock filled the Lieutenant Commander's face at what she now read


    from her sensor readings. It was nearly enough for her to faint right on the spot.





    "Sir, you should see this." She then touched a few of the buttons on her console


    that caused the view screen to flicker. The blackness of space was now replaced by the


    playback entry. Morris arose from his seat, taking a few steps closer towards the image,


    watching as the strange green ships poured from the vortex and instantly opened fire with


    firepower that he could imagine. A second later he was shocked as the weapon ripped through


    the Borg cube's interior and exploded a second later.



    Hail them he said


    overjoyed and relieved as he returned to his seat, preparing to speak with those that had


    saved them from certain destruction or assimilation.



    This is Admiral Duncan


    Morris of the Federation Starship, Carthage to unknown vessels, whoever you are, we thank


    you for your help. He dictated quite proudly in this first contact situation, very pleased


    that these ships had arrived to help, destroying the Borg cube with one single


    burst.



    "Sir, picking up another set of readings coming through the vortex."


    The Tactical officer paused as further she couldn't believe what now she was reading on her


    display.



    "Sir, they're Dominion ships." The Admiral now couldn't believe


    what he was now hearing. That those who in the past months have tried to eradicate them had


    saved them.



    You dont know us? The image of a Vorta male appeared on the


    screen, the visor plate covering one eye as he greeted them in a cheerful fashion.





    Those were your ships? Morris asked towards the Vorta that instantly he found


    distasteful, especially at the cheeriness in his voice.



    No, I'm afraid that


    those particular ships belong to. our friends. Fortunate for us they believe your enemy


    is ours! The screen suddenly blinked off as the transmission ended, on the view screen


    Duncan watched with low awe at the hundreds of ships in the distance that still were pouring


    from bright vortex.



    Sir, fleet is advancing on our position. The helmsman


    reported, not even needing the help from the sensors to know of their movements. As he


    watched as the green ships, the ones that had destroyed the Borg cube with one swift stroke,


    now advanced ahead of the Dominion fleet that sat waiting in the background.





    Get us out of here, full impulse Morris ordered again with the same swiftness that


    he had displayed earlier. He was glad that they were able to make a stand against the Borg


    cube with the help of the Dominion and they're new friends, but now they're new friends


    were coming after them.



    Aye sir The helmsman said as he worked quickly at


    his controls. Duncan watched as the stars rolled and shifted as the Carthage maneuvered


    around and began to run. The small Miranda class ship followed in kind, the two surviving


    vessels in the Borg conflict from the four that they arrived in. Unfortunately, if they


    were to retreat back to Federation space they would have to go straight through the Dominion


    fleet, which was one hell of a of a way to go, but it was there only choice.


    At that


    point, the Carthage began to slow turning to face the overwhelming odds ahead that in all


    cases were the only way out. The Intrepid class ship with a full burst of impulse power,


    sped towards the large fleet ahead. The green ships and JemHadar fighter blocked their


    path and again it was the only way past.



    The bridge rocked as the shields


    were struck as the JemHadar ships began to open fire. Their beams repeatedly hitting the


    hull with great intensity. A console exploded to the Admiral's right and a body hit the


    floor below. The Carthage although taking a beating still pressed on. Duncan noticed as


    the Madagascar sped slightly ahead, dodging and weaving through the mass of JemHadar


    fighters as well as the green ships. It didn't get far until it exploded, struck


    simultaneously by three separate bursts from the JemHadar. The Carthage was now alone as


    they continued to speed through the onslaught. The ship shuddered violently again as a


    burst from one of the green ships narrowly missed the Carthage by a bare meter as it


    continued on. Another burst from the JemHadar also missed as Duncan could now see the


    blank space on the horizon past the large Dominion battle cruisers. Duncan was forced to


    the floor as another burst pierced the shields and impacted on the hull. The Carthage now


    in clear space prepared for warp speed, the nacelles in perfect symmetry raised above the


    star drive section and in bare seconds the Carthage sped from the battleground, disappearing


    in a flash of light as they were now on their way back home, now safe from the onslaught


    that just by looking at it was far more dangerous than the Borg ever were. Now was a time


    to worry...




    The small scout ship still hovered out of reach of the


    new ships that had poured onto the battleground, undetected the Shadow scout now began to


    move, phasing out of normal space in seconds of it's mobility. The scout ship now traveled


    through the bright red of hyperspace, passing by the various tachyon eddies and


    gravitational shifts as it headed towards its destination with the information aboard that


    would prove invaluable to the fleet. Hours later, the small scout ship shimmered from


    hyperspace, heading to join with their allies as it sped into the thickness of the large


    fleet that hung in space as if waiting for something...


    Meanwhile on the Minbari


    Battle cruiser Trion, the flagship of this combined fleet. Delenn is explained of the new


    attack orders to the war council and the various Shai Alyts that commanded ships all across


    the vast fleet. Sheridan lurked nearby at times expressing his own thoughts and strategies


    to what was to come. Lennier suddenly rushed in from the open corridor, almost out of


    breath as he approached Delenn and Sheridan.



    My apologies, but the scout


    ship that was assigned to scan a sector nearby just arrived back with important




    information. I think you should see this. The young Minbari said placing the data


    crystal onto the small table in front of Sheridan. Picking up with two fingers, Sheridan


    placed it gently in the recorder. At the back of the room, a holographic display began to


    flow from the ceiling like that of a draping tapestry. The image came into focus and


    Sheridan and Delenn along with the entire War council watched the terrible events that had


    occurred in that estranged sector of space.



    I dont understand, why are


    they doing this? Delenn stated after the recording finished and the display


    dissipated.



    "It seems obvious, to conquer." Sheridan replied to Delenn's


    statement, as if he had already an answer before it the recording had even finished. He had


    seen so much in his lifetime and also been a part of it, the war with the Minbari, the food


    riots on Mars and the Shadow war that had ended with both sides, Shadow and Vorlon agreeing


    to work together rather to than to destroy everything they were to protect. A chime


    suddenly sounded on a panel close to Delenn, which she answered.



    "Message


    for Captain Sheridan." The Male voice sounded and Sheridan leaned closer to the panel to


    receive the message.



    Put it down here Sheridan asked, wondering the nature


    of the message in question.



    Captain, if you can hear this, our scanners


    have picked up a large fleet moving in on our position. They've broken through our


    proximity guards and all barrier guards. We are on full alert and the Commander is trying


    to organize as many ships as possible for our defense. But if something isn't down in the


    next sixteen hours then there will be nothing left here for you to come back to. Sheridan


    sighed heavily, as he thought quickly of what to do, the course of action to take.





    "Hold on, Lieutenant, help is on the way." Sheridan replied to Corwin as he ended


    the transmission and turned to Delenn.



    Have the White Star fleet prepared


    to leave at once. Delenn stated as the whole party left the large chamber to prepare for


    the oncoming battle with the enemy. A war on three fronts was one thing that no one


    expected to have happen in a mere month, but it now was real. As Sheridan walked to the


    docking bay of the large Minbari cruiser, to rendezvous with a White Star, an old thought


    appeared in his head. "Someone had once said, that you cannot fight and win against chaos.


    He had already done it once and it seemed though in a miracle of biblical proportions, he


    would try and do it again...



    TO BE CONTINUED

    "Let's blast the little buggers back to the Stone


    Age." -------Captain Picard
    "Not tonight, I have a headache."----Commander Riker
    "I


    am really bored."---------Commander Data
    "OW!!!! A paper cut!!!!!"-------Lt. Worf



    "You have no idea."------Lt. Worf
    Worf "Comander, I must tell you. I secretly wear


    women's underwear."
    Data "If I only have a brain."
    Wesley "I can't do that; it's


    too geeky."
    I also think we will ever see Geordi singing "Blinded by the Light."



    Picard: "Hey! Leggo of my eggo!"
    Riker: "Frankly Deanna, I don't give a damn!"



    Data: "She always gets to sit at the conn! Why don't I ever get to sit at the conn?


    What, you all think androids
    can't drive? I can drive the ship better than any of you


    guys. How many of you have taken over the whole ship
    single-handedly? Huh? Huh?"



    Worf: "But Captain, shouldn't we give the negotiations more time?"
    LaForge: "About


    last night..."
    Troi: "I sense how you feel... and... you're so *weird*"
    Crusher:


    "Worf, stop complaining and just bend over... this will only take a moment."
    Guinan:


    "Norm!"
    Picard: "Does anyone know the number for Hair Club For Men?"
    Worf: "Captain,


    can you move a little to the left? Your head is blinding me."
    Laforge: "No, really, I


    think its fine just the way it is."
    Data: "The history of Meranes IV? Hey! What do I


    look like? An encyclopedia?! Go look it up."
    Troi: "I know something you don't know...


    naa naa na naaaa...."
    Riker: "Damn, that itches."
    Dr. Crusher: (To Picard) "OK, turn


    your head and cough."
    Picard: (To Crusher) "One more time... just to be sure."





    SWAT_OP-R8R
    Portal-Administrator

    10. Tell her "Your ears canna stan the strain!"




    9. Vulcan Neck Pinch.


    8. Have an Android made of her then when she starts


    speaking tell her to "Shut Up!" (See, "I, Mudd" - TOS episode).


    7. Wave Phaser in


    her face and tell her you will stun her with it.


    6. Use transporter to split her


    into two seperate personalities. Phaser Evil Girlfriend and keep Good Girlfriend. (See, "The


    Enemy Within" - TOS episode).


    5. Tell her your watching the episode where Picard


    gets naked.


    4. Ask if she wants to see the Picard Maneuver.


    3. Try,


    "Computer - End Program."


    2. Tell her she's in violation of the Prime Directive and


    she is interfering with a lesser developed civilization.


    1. Borg her.






    SWAT_OP-R8R
    Portal-Administrator

    21: Impulse engines stall when used in


    reverse.
    20: Digital speedometer on helm console stuck at "88".
    19: Shields fail to


    work on alternate Fridays.
    18: Rust problem in engineering causes support failure: one


    corner of warp coil now held up by phone book.
    17: Computer fails to process any


    instruction beginning with "w".
    16: Booster cables become permanent fixtures in


    transporter room.
    15: Captain's chair must be propped up against screen to keep image


    from flickering.
    14: Guinan stops wearing large, heavy hats for fear of falling through


    squeaky part of floor in 10-forward.
    13: Main sensor array unable to pick up anything


    except CBS.
    12: Lower part of bridge falls even lower and ramps along either side become


    too steep for crew to climb.
    11: Turbolift cannot climb past deck 5 when there are more


    than 2 people on board.
    10: Holodeck becomes caught in an infinite loop: ship is


    overcome by ten thousand care bears.
    9: Ship cannot enter warp while food dispenser is


    making Kraft macaroni and cheese.
    8: Food dispenser in 10-forward will only serve light


    beer.
    7: Bug in main computer speech processor: computer voice will either stutter or


    talk like Barbara Walters.
    6: Untraceable glitch in plumbing periodically replaces water


    in Wesley's shower with frozen concentrated orange juice.
    5: Ship's dryer


    indiscriminately shreds crew's uniforms, and related problem in fabrication machinery will


    only produce new clothing with Roger Rabbit caricature prominently displayed.
    4:


    Computer refuses to carry out commands unless captain says "Pretty please with sugar on it".



    3: Riker unable to sleep for 2 weeks when holodeck computer crashes and loses access to


    nude volleyball program.
    2: Replacement parts for automatic door to captain's ready


    room are exhausted and door must be replaced with bead curtains.
    1: Saucer section


    separates whenever ship makes left turn.




    SWAT_OP-R8R
    Portal-Administrator

    1) The Enterprise runs into a mysterious energy field of a type that it has


    encountered before.


    2) The Enterprise goes to check up on a remote outpost of


    scientists who are all perfectly all right.


    3) The Enterprise comes across a


    Garden-of-Eden-like planet called Paradise, where everyone is happy all the time. However,


    everything is soon revealed to be exactly as it seems.


    4) The crew of the Enterprise


    discover a totally new lifeform, which later turns out to be a rather well-known old


    lifeform, wearing a silly hat.


    5) The crew of the Enterprise are struck by a strange


    alien plague, for which the cure is found in the well-stocked sick-bay.


    6) An


    enigmatic being composed of pure energy attempts to interface to the Enterprise's computer,


    only to find out that it has forgotten to bring the right leads.


    7) A power surge on


    the Bridge is rapidly and correctly diagnosed as a faulty capacitor by the highly-trained


    and competent engineering staff.


    8) A power surge on the Bridge fails to electrocute


    the user of a computer panel, due to a highly sophisticated 24th century surge protection


    feature called a 'fuse'.


    9) The Enterprise ferries an alien VIP from one place to


    another without serious incident.


    10) The Enterprise is captured by a vastly


    superior alien intelligence which does not put them on trial.


    11) The Enterprise


    separates as soon as there is any danger.


    12) The Enterprise gets involved in an


    enigmatic, strange, and dangerous situation, and there are no pesky aliens they can blame it


    on in the end.


    13) The Enterprise is captured by a vastly inferior alien


    intelligence which they easily pacify with candy.


    14) The Enterprise is involved in


    a bizarre time-warp phenomenon, which is in no way connected with the 20th century.




    15) Somebody takes out a shuttle and it doesn't explode or crash.


    16) A


    major Starfleet emergency breaks out near the Enterprise, and some other ships in the area


    are able to deal with it to everyone's satisfaction.


    17) The shields on the


    Enterprise stay up during a battle.


    18) The Enterprise visits the Klingon Home World


    on a bright, sunny day


    19) An attempt at undermining the Klingon-Federation alliance


    is discovered without anyone noting that such an attempt, if successful, "would represent a


    fundamental shift of power throughout the quadrant."


    20) A major character spends


    the entire episode in the Holodeck without a single malfunction trapping him/her there.




    21) Picard hears the door chime and doesn't bother to say "Come."


    22)


    Picard doesn't answer a suggestion with "Make it so"!


    23) Picard walks up to a


    replicator and says, "Coke on ice."


    24) Counsellor Troi states something other than


    the blindingly obvious.


    25) Mood rings come back in style, jeopardizing Counselor


    Troi's position.


    26) Worf and Troi finally decide to get married, only to have Kate


    Pulaski show up and disrupt the wedding by shouting, "Did he read you love poetry?! Did he


    serve you poisonous tea?! He's MINE!"


    27) When Worf tells the bridge officers that


    something is entering visual range no one says "On screen."


    28) Worf actually gives


    another vessel more than 2 seconds to respond to one of the Enterprise's hails.


    29)


    Worf kills Wesley by mistake in the holodeck, (pity this wasn't done in "Deja Vu" then we


    could have seen it 5 times without rewinding the tape).


    30) Wesley Crusher gets


    beaten up by his classmates for being a smarmy git, and consequently has a go at making some


    friends of his own age for a change.


    31) Wesley saves the ship, the Federation, and


    the Universe as we know it, and EVERYONE is grateful (including the Net).


    32) The


    warp engines start acting up a bit, but then seem to sort themselves out after a while


    without any intervention from boy genius Wesley Crusher.


    33) Wesley Crusher tries to


    upgrade the warp drive and they work better than ever.


    34) Beverly Crusher manages


    to go through a whole episode without having a hot flush and getting breathless every time


    Picard is in the room.


    35) Guinan forgets herself, and breaks into a stand up comedy


    routine.


    36) Data falls in love with the replicator.


    37) Kirk (or Riker)


    falls in love with a woman on a planet he visits, and isn't tragically separated from her


    at the end of the episode. [or even: Kirk (or Riker) meets an attractive woman and does not


    fall in love. -psl]


    38) The Captain has to make a difficult decision about a less


    advanced people which is made a great deal easier by the Starfleet Prime Directive.




    39) An unknown ensign beams down as part of an away team and lives to tell the



    tale.


    40) Spock or Data is fired from his high-ranking position for not being


    able to understand the most basic nuances of about one in three sentences that anyone says


    to him.


    41) Kirk's hair remaining consistent for more that 1 consecutive episode.




    42) Kirk gets into a fistfight and doesn't rip his shirt. (Or even, Kirk DOESN'T


    get into a fistfight...)


    43) Kirk doesn't end up kissing the troubled guest-female


    before she doesn't sacrifice herself for him.


    44) Scotty doesn't mention the laws


    of physics


    45) Spock isn't the only crew member not affected by new weapon/attack


    by alien race/etc!! due to his "darn green blood" or "bizarre Vulcan physiology" and thus he


    cannot save the day.


    46) The episode ends without Bones & Kirk laughing at Spock's


    inability to understand the joke, and he doesn't raise his eybrow.






    SWAT_OP-R8R
    Portal-Administrator

    I have no illusions why I'm here tonight.
    It's because of "Star


    Trek: The Next Generation."
    (applause)
    Well, thank you very much, but I have a


    confession to make. When I was first given the role of Captain Jean-Luc Picard, I pretended


    to take it all in my stride; I was so cool in interviews;
    I claimed never to have seen


    the original classic Trek. But, it was all an act, because inside, I was so ecstatic... I


    was delirious... You see, not only am i probably the biggest Star Trek fan of all time, but


    well, as my friends can tell you, I am virtually an encyclopedia of Star Trek facts and


    trivia.


    Well now, for example, listen: Here's a fact I bet you don't know. On the


    original show, the name of the space ship was not the "Star Trek"! No, no, it was in fact,


    the "Enterprise". Now that's true.


    Now, all right, here's another one: Everyone


    knows that the part of Captain James M. Kirk was played by William Shiner. Then of course


    later he was to become very famous as the Six Million Dollar Man. But how many of you here


    know which actor played the chief medical officer, Dr. McCray, who was of course otherwise


    known as Boney? You give up, don't you? Well that was Forest D. Kelley.


    Well


    perhaps you knew that one, but can you name to me the ship's other medical officer... you


    see, because of course, there were two. You see, you're stumped. You are forgetting Dr.


    Spock. Now you remember, right? He was the pointy eared creature, you know? Half human, half


    volcano, and he was forever tormenting old Boney with his cold volcano logic, and uh...





    All right.. here's another bit of trivia. Did you know that another Star Trek


    character, Captain Sulu, was the first black woman ever on television? Anyway, being the


    Star Trek trivia maniac that I am, well you can imagine my feelings when I first learned


    that I won the role of Captain Picard. I felt a kinship, you know, with all those


    unforgettable legendary chartacters... Kirk, Boney, and especially Spock, and I even know...


    well I wrote a note to Leonard Fortnoy, but I guess he never received it. Anyway, Leonard,


    if you're watching, this is for you.


    Outer space: the last frontier. These are the


    trips of the Star Trek Enterprise. Its five year plan calls for us to explore strange new


    worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly fly where no man has gone in


    space.


    Live long (boy scout sign), and be happy.






    SWAT_OP-R8R
    Portal-Administrator

    Picard: "Mr. LaForge,


    have you had any success with your attempts at finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data,


    have you been able to access their command pathways?"


    Geordi: "Yes, Captain. In


    fact, we found the answer by searching through our archives on late Twentieth-century


    computing technology." Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen.




    Riker looks puzzled: "What the hell is a 'Microsoft'?" Data turns to answer:


    "Allow me to explain. We will send this program, for some reason called 'Windows', through


    the Borg command pathways. Once inside their root command unit, it will begin consuming


    system resources at an unstoppable rate."


    Picard: "But the Borg have the ability to


    adapt. Won't they alter their processing systems to increase their storage capacity?"




    Data: "Yes, Captain. But when 'Windows' detects this, it creates a new version of


    itself known as an 'upgrade'. The use of resources increases exponentially with each


    iteration. The Borg will not be able to adapt quickly enough. Eventually all of their


    processing ability will be taken over and none will be available for their normal


    operational functions."


    Picard: "Excellent work. This is even better than that


    'unsolvable geometric shape' idea."


    .... 15 Minutes Later ...


    Data:


    "Captain, We have successfully installed the 'Windows' in the command unit and as expected


    it immediately consumed 85% of all resources. We however have not received any confirmation


    of the expected 'upgrade'."


    Geordi: "Our scanners have picked up an increase in


    Borg storage and CPU capacity to compensate, but we still have no indication of


    an'upgrade' to compensate for their increase."


    Picard: "Data, scan the history


    banks again and determine if there is something we missed."


    Data: "Sir, I believe


    there is a reason for the failure in the 'upgrade'. Appearently the Borg have circumvented


    that part of the plan by not sending in their registration cards.


    Riker: "Captain we


    have no choice. Requesting permission to begin emergency escape sequence 3F ..."




    Geordi, excited: "Wait, Captain I just detected their CPU capacity has suddenly


    dropped to 0%!"


    Picard: "Data, what do your scanners show?"


    Data:


    "Appearently the Borg have found the internal 'Windows' module named 'Solitaire' and it


    has used up all the CPU capacity."


    Picard: "Lets wait and see how long this


    'Solitaire' can reduce their functionality."


    .... Two Hours Pass ...




    Riker: "Geordi what's the status on the Borg?"


    Geordi: "As expected the


    Borg are attempting to re-engineer to compensate for increased CPU and storage demands, but


    each time they successfully increase resources I have setup our closest deepspace monitor


    beacon to transmit more 'Windows' modules from something called the 'Microsoft


    Fun-Pack'. Picard: "How much time will that buy us?"


    Data: "Current Borg solution


    rates allow me to predict an interest time span of 6 more hours."


    Geordi: "Captain,


    another vessel has entered our sector."


    Picard: "Identify."


    Data: "It


    appears to have markings very similar to the 'Microsoft' logo!"


    Over the speakers:


    "THIS IS ADMIRAL BILL GATES OF THE MICROSOFT FLAGSHIP MONOPOLY.WE HAVE POSITIVE CONFIRMATION


    OF UNREGISTERED SOFTWARE IN THIS SECTOR. SURRENDER ALL ASSETS AND WE CAN AVOID ANY TROUBLE.


    YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS TO COMPLY."


    Data: "The alien ship has just opened its forward


    hatches and released thousands of humanoid shaped objects."


    Picard: "Magnify forward


    viewer on the alien craft!"


    Riker: "Good God captain! Those are humans floating


    straight toward the Borg ship with no life support suits! How can they survive deep space?!"




    Data: "I don't believe that those are humans sir, if you will look closer I believe


    you will see that they are carrying something recognized by twenty-first century man as doe


    skin leather briefcases, and wearing Armani suits!"


    Riker and Picard together


    horrified: "Lawyers!!" Geordi: "It can't be. All the Lawyers were rounded up and sent


    hurtling into the sun in 2017 during the Great Awakening."


    Data: "True, but


    apparently some must have survived."


    Riker: "They have surrounded the Borg ship and


    are covering it with pieces of paper."


    Data: "I believe that is known in ancient


    venacular as 'red tape' -- it often proves fatal." Riker: "They're tearing the Borg to


    pieces!"


    Picard: "Turn off the monitors. I can't stand to watch, not even the Borg


    deserve that."


    --- 2 hours later in the breifing room ---


    Picard: "Where did


    we go wrong to cause such a hideous catastophe?"


    Data:: "Sir, our archives on late


    Twentieth-century computing technology indicate there was once a challenger to 'Windows'


    on earth code named 'Borg'. Later known as 'OS/2 for Windows'.


    Riker: "God, you


    mean this Admiral Gates thought the Borg were his ancient competitors?"


    Picard: "It


    would appear so." But whatever happened to this 'OS/2'?"


    Geordi: "I believe I can


    help here Captain. 'OS/2' had many of the features of our 25th century computers but this


    Admiral Gates successfully gained unusual power from the Government through something called


    a consent decree. With it, and a brainwashing technique called "Marketing", he destroyed


    OS/2 and another competitor called "Macintosh".


    Picard: "He did this without


    weapons?"


    Data: "Not quite Captain, he had an early pre-cursor to our


    phasors,something called "Vaporware". And there is no known defense against this weapon."




    Riker: "Captain, if you'll excuse me I'm feeling ill."


    Picard: "Yes, Will,


    I think we're all feeling ill. But this incident must serve to warn us and the entire


    Federation how dangerous it is to awaken this Admiral Gates and his monster 'Windows'.


    Geordi, prepare an emergency report to Starfleet command. Briefing adjourned."





    SWAT_OP-R8R
    Portal-Administrator

    A Trekker wears a starfleet


    uniform to a convention because it's fun.
    A Trekkie wears a starfleet uniform to a


    convention because s/he has heard that it is in style at theacademy.


    A Trekker has a


    Starfleet Academy window sticker on his car.
    A Trekkie is cramming for the entrance


    exams.


    A Trekker meets Marina Sirtis/Gates McFadden at a convention, tells her how


    pretty he thinks she is, that it is too bad she is married or he would ask her out.
    A


    Trekkie meets Deanna Troi/Dr. Crusher at a convention, tells her how pretty he thinks she


    is, and asks her if she is still seeing Riker (Picard, some alien patient, et al).


    A


    Trekker loves watching the show, nitpicking and discussing it with friends.
    A Trekkie


    loves watching those documentaries filmed aboard the Enterprise.


    A Trekker thinks


    Wil Wheaton was a lucky kid who got to play a kid on Star Trek.
    A Trekkie thinks that


    Wesley Crusher was a lucky kid who got to sit on the bridge.


    A Trekker thinks that


    it is a shame that the show is coming to an end.
    A Trekkie thinks that it is a shame


    that the crew is being reassigned and the Enterprise is being decomissioned.


    A


    Trekker knows that there are gaping holes in the technology, but ignores them and enjoys the


    show.
    A Trekkie can't wait for the price to come down on those home food replicator


    units.


    A Trekker buys pips for the rank s/he wants to be.
    A Trekkie wonders why


    he is constantly passed over for promotion.


    A Trekker tells his/her new


    girl/boyfriend that s/he really likes Star Trek.
    A Trekkie's new girl/boyfriend is an


    underclassman at the academy.


    A Trekker wonders what sex in zero g would be like.



    A Trekkie wonders what sex would be like.






    SWAT_OP-R8R
    Portal-Administrator

    Top 10 Reasons Star Trek Is Better Than


    Star Wars



    10. Deanna Troi discarded the bun after one season. Princess Leia


    still has those donut braids.


    9. Worf's speech is at least intelligible, but


    Harrison Ford has to translate for Chewbacca.


    8. Star Trek villains do NOT have


    asthma.


    7. Star Wars spawned "Battlestar Galactica." The worst Star Trek ever did


    was "Babylon Five."


    6. Spock-- 'nuff said.


    5. Star Trek-- the first space


    shuttle. Star Wars-- a hare-brained nuclear defense system.


    4. Kirk met "God" and


    told him off; Sisko met Q and decked him flat; Luke Skywalker met Yodaand was speechless.




    3. Star Wars androids look like electronic trash cans on wheels. Star Trek androids


    look like somepeople's ideal in masculine beauty.


    2. Star Wars: Princess Leia. Star


    Trek: Lt. Uhura, Nurse Chapel, Yeo. Rand, Lt. Saavik, Cmr.Troi, Dr. Crusher, Lt. Yar, Ens.


    Ro, Dr. Pulaski, Nurse Ogawa, Amb. K'ehleyr, Amb. Lwaxana Troi, Maj. Kira, Lt. Dax, Kai


    Winn, Lursa, B'etor, Cmr. Sela, Vash, Adm. Netcheyev, Cpn. Janeway, Lt. Torres, Kes. Hmm. .


    .


    1. Star Trek consists of 7 movies and 4 TV series, a total of approximately 375


    hours, a figure climbing at warp speed. Star Wars, despite its following, is limited to 3


    movies, a total of about 6 hours.


    SWAT_OP-R8R
    Portal-Administrator

    Top 10 Worries of Capt. Picard



    10) Has to figure


    out at least a token punishment for Worf for killing a crew member who hid a tribble in


    Worf's bed as a practical joke


    9) The impulse engines have been making a funny


    noise lately


    8) Crew refers to him as "Captain Chrome-Dome Retard" behind his back




    7) That the voices in his head telling him to throw Counselor Troi out an airlock


    will become too insistent to ignore


    6) Ensign Ro has introduced a strain of Bejoran


    V.D. into the Enterprise population that cordrazine won't even put a dent in


    5)


    Wesley might come to visit


    4) Luwxanna Troi might come to visit


    3) If he


    doesn't get the pizzas to Starbase 141 within thirty minutes, they're free


    2) The


    way Data keeps reading "2001: A Space Odyssey" over and over again


    1) Riker will


    keep turning down promotion after promotion and he'll NEVER be rid of the big dork!





    SWAT_OP-R8R
    Portal-Administrator

    Top Ten reasons that B5 is better than Star


    Trek



    10. Star Trek: Time travel nearly every season.


    B5: Time traveled


    once.


    9. In Star Trek, deeply spiritual people are mocked and laughed at. In B5,


    deeply spiritual people are the ones in power.


    8. The captain doesn't need to have


    sex every other episode to get ratings.


    7. B5: A five-year long tapestry where every


    thread has meaning.


    Star Trek: A five-year old's "color & paste" where any plot is


    welcomed.


    6. No superhumans throwing people around.


    5. No whining Chief


    Engineers!!!!!!!!!


    4. Doctor Franklin does things the hard way, while Doctor Bashir


    just uses that genetically engineered brain of his to get out of tough situations.




    3. Unlike those wusses in Starfleet, they don't use replicators.


    2. No


    wimpy Federation admirals and bureaucrats getting in the way of a good asskicking.




    And the number one reason B5 is better than Star Trek:


    1. Prime Directive?


    What Prime Directive? We don't need no stinkin' Prime Directive!






    SWAT_OP-R8R
    Portal-Administrator

    Top Ten Reasons Star Trek is Better


    than B5


    10. We don't have ordinary technobabble, we have Treknobabble!!!!!!




    9. More babes!


    8. Everything's not going to or coming from hell.


    7.


    Frequent use of the word "quantum".


    6. Don't need no stinking rotating sections to


    provide gravity.


    5. Testosterone poisoning less common in Starfleet than Earthforce.




    4. When in need of a plot, just kill Weyoun!


    3. Most B5 aliens are ugly,


    while female Trek aliens are the ones you end up wanting to have sex with.


    2. We've


    got omnipotent beings coming out of our asses!


    And the Number One Reason Star Trek


    is Better Than B5:


    1. One word:


    Risa



    SWAT_OP-R8R
    Portal-Administrator

    Messenger2 is a nice tool which allows to connect to AIM, YIM, MSN, ICQ and IRC-channels


    im testing it since 2 weeks and i like it more than trillian... so try it (especially if u have probs to connect to IRC-chats)



    http://www.messenger2.com/




    SWAT_OP-R8R
    Portal-Administrator