I found this laying around in a stack of papers of mine and thought you guys might find it funny. It's around 20 years old.
_________________________________________
The following list of direct quotations
are actually taken from police records
as drivers are asked to descibe their
accident in their own words.
Woman driver : Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and
collided with a tree i don't have.
man driver : I thought my window was down but found it was
up when i put my hand through it.
woman driver : A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
man driver : The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve
a number of times before i hit him.
man driver : I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced
at my mother in law and headed over the embankment.
woman driver : The gentleman behind me struck me on the backside.
He then went to rest in the bush with just his
rear end showing.
man driver : The other car attempted to cut in front of me so i,
with my right front bumper, removed his left
rear tail light.
woman driver : I was taking my canary to the hospital. It got
loose in the car and flew out the window. The next
thing i saw was his rear end and there was a crash.
woman driver : I had been learning to drive with power steering.
I turned the wheel to what i thought was enough
and found myself in a different direction going
the opposite way.
man driver : I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble
when my universal joint gave way causing me to have
an accident.
man driver : An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my
vehicle and vanished.
woman driver : I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the
other side of the roadway when i struck him.
woman driver : The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go
so i ran over him.
man driver : My girlfriend kissed me, I lost control and woke
up in the hospital.
