Search Results

[SIZE=4] Money!![/SIZE] It can buy a house, but not a home. It can buy a bed, but not sleep. It can buy a clock, but not time. It can buy you a book, but not knowledge. It can buy you a position, but not respect. It can buy you medicine, but not health. It can buy you blood, but not life. [SIZE=3]Money is NOT everything![/SIZE] I am sending you this message because I am your friend. I care about you greatly and I do not want to see you in pain. My Dear Friend...end your suffering now. Send me a…

Don't get disgusted!! Students at a Medical School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.Then the Professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor. The first is that it is necessary that you don't get disgusted." The Professor uncovered the sheet, sunk his finger in the butt of the dead body, withdrew it, and th…

Some high leveled IRC chat,s!! 20:04 -!- Spaceboy [~c6749031@huwico.hu] has joined #huwico20:04 < ircnet_gw> Hex2IP: c6749031 --> 198.116.144.49 --> nasans3.nasa.gov.20:04 < Spaceboy> hi20:05 < Spaceboy> is this the channel of hungarian wireless community?20:05 < Z0l> yes20:06 < szaboat> hi20:07 < Spaceboy> i'm working at NASA, one of our sattelites picked up a transmission originated from Budapest, HUNGARY20:07 < vili> 20:08 < Z0l> 20:08 < vili> our goal is world domination20:08 < Spaceboy> if…

The GOLDEN YEARS POEM!! THE GOLDEN YEARS HAVE COME AT LAST, I CANNOT SEE, I CANNOT PEE I CANNOT CHEW, I CANNOT SCREW MY MEMORY SHRINKS, MY HEARING STINKS, NO SENSE OF SMELL, I LOOK LIKE HELL, MY BODY'S DROOPING, GOT TROBLE POOPING. THE GOLDEN YEARS HAVE COME AT LAST, THE GOLDEN YEARS CAN KISS MY ASS Guess my age!! A man decides to have a face-lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the results. On his way home, he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper. Before leaving…

How temperature affects the mind. 40 degrees:Californians shiver uncontrollably.People in Scotland sunbathe. 35 degrees:Italian cars won't start.People in Scotland drive with the windows down. 20 degrees:Floridians wear coats, gloves, and wool hats.People in Scotland throw on a T-shirt. 15 degrees:Californians begin to evacuate the state.People in Scotland go swimming in the sea. 0 degrees:New York landlords turn the heat on.People in Scotland have a last barby before it gets cold. -10 degrees:…

Caring wife A man returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours to live. Given this prognosis, the man asks his wife for sex. Naturally, she agrees, and they make love. About six hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, "Honey,you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more time?" Of course, the wife agrees, and they do it again.Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes that he now has …

This is a story about a couple who had been happily marriedfor years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband'shabit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make hereyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping themoff because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stopit and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor;she was concerned that one day he wou…

The Ideal Man A rich lonely widow decided that she needed another man in her life so she placed an ad, which read something like this: RICH WIDOW LOOKING FOR MAN TO SHARE LIFE AND FORTUNE ...NEEDS TO HAVE THESE QUALIFICATIONS: 1) WON'T BEAT ME UP2) WON'T RUN AWAY3) HAS TO BE GREAT IN BED For several months, her phone rang off the hook, her doorbell was ringing constantly, she received tons of mail, etc., all to no avail: none seemed to match her qualifications. Then one day the doorbell rang ye…

Satan Vs God An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you`re an engineer -- you`re in the wrong place." So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is admitted. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and, as is the wont for engineers, starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they`ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy. On…

The scene is the darkest jungle in Africa. Two tigers are stalking through the jungle when the one in the rear suddenly reaches out with his tongue and licks the butt of the one in front. The lead tiger turns and says, "Hey, cut it out, alright." The other tiger says sorry and they continue on their way. After about five minutes the rear tiger suddenly repeats his action. The front tiger turns angrily and says," I said don't do that again!" The rear tiger says "sorry" again and they continue. A…

Deep within a forest, a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort, he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again, while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. "Dear," she chirped, "I think it's time to tell him he's adopted."

How are women and tornadoes alike? They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave. Some IRC wisdoms!! @cripwalker> my girlfriend is so fucking cool. @cripwalker> my girlfriend is so fucking cool.<@cripwalker> we were arguing in IM last night about techtv being lame since g4 took over.<@cripwalker> she thinks its better now that theres more "pretty" people on it.<@cripwalker> that filter girl is, like, her idol.<@cripwalker> anyway, i wasn't giving up. i really belie…

A British Man, a French man, and an American man are on a safari in Africa, and they are taken prisoner by a savage group of villagers. As they're being brought to the village, they are told that death was their only option, however, they each had their choice of the method they would use to kill themselves. The British man requested a pistol, and cried out "Long live the queen!" as he blew his brains out. The two others watched in horror as the savages flayed the man and made his skin into a ca…

[BLINK] Women Superiority [/BLINK] We got off the Titanic first. We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses. When we buy a vibrator it is glamorous. When men buy a blow up doll it's pathetic. Men's clothes make women look elfin and gorgeous. Men look like complete idiots in women's clothes. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game. Taxi's stop for us. Men die earlier, so we …

The Rules of Monster Movies Here are some things I've learned from Godzilla, Gamera, Star Wars, etc. -Any animal which isn't a human will grow 50 times its size when exposed to some sort of radiation. -If some exotic pet escapes from its cage, it will likewise grow to immense proportions. -No matter what city you're in, the streets are always wide enough so that giant monsters could walk on it. -Many monsters, even machines, are somehow depicted in ancient myths. -It takes only a few seconds to…

17 birthday Girl #1: So when was your first kiss?Girl #2: My 17th birthday.Girl #1: How about your first time making out?Girl #2: Also my 17th birthday.Girl #1: ...first b......b?Girl #2: This is awkward. 17th birthday, again.Girl #1: How about when you lost your virginity?Girl #2: 17th.Girl #1: How about the first time you --Girl #2: I know what you're about to ask, and the answer is "my 17th birthday" again.Girl #1: God damn! What the hell did you do for your 18th birthday? Really,what

Bob joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day he takes off his clothes and starts wandering around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by him and the man immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over to him grinning sweetly and says: "Sir, did you call for me?" Bob replies: "No, what do you mean?" She says: "You must be new here; let me explain. It's a rule here that if I give you an erection, it implies you called for me." Smiling, she then leads him to the …

The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn in her wheel chair where the activity's for her 100th birthday were taking place. Grandma couldn't talk very well but she could write notes fairly well when she needed to communicate. After a short time out on the lawn Grandma started leaning off to the right and some family members grabbed her and straightened her up and stuffed pillows on her right. A short time later she started leaning off to her left and again the family grabbed her and stuffed pi…

Good one. A woman goes to the doctors, and says, “Doctor, I’ve got a bit of a problem. I’ll have to take my clothes off to show you.” The doctor tells her to go behind the screen and disrobe. She does so, and the doctor goes round to see her when she is ready. “Well, what is it?” he asks. “It’s a bit embarrassing,” she replies, “These two green circles have appeared on the inside of my thighs.” The doctor examines her and finally admits he has no idea what the cause is. Then he suddenly asks, “…