Spamming spree!!!!

Some spamming proverbs:

When the cat's away the mice will Spam

Spamming is the infinite capacity to take pains

Spamming men tell no tales

Spamming is stranger than fiction

Hell hath no fury like a woman Spamming

The husband is always the last to Spam

spamand the world Spams with you, weep and you weep alone

The customer is always Spamming

Whom the gods would destroy they first send Spaming

When the going gets tough the tough go Spamming

He who hesitates is Spamming

Spam and let Spam

A little Spam is a dangerous thing

Spam and you shall find

You cannot run with the hares and Spam with the hounds

to Spam is human!

[spammer] [spammer] [spammer]

SPAMADA, SPAMADU, SPAMADEE, FIE!

I will add nothing further...

Why do we often say: "Women and children first" when a boat is drowning?

Answer:

Cuz afterwards the sharks aren't hungry anymore!! [SCHILD=4]ROFLMAO[/SCHILD]

YAY SPAM!

[SCHILD=18]Gahaha Ooohoohoo, blablablabla! Weeheee![/SCHILD]

100% Lame Jokes! Enjoy...

Two peanuts were walking down a spooky road at night... One was assaulted. ~The Oregonian~

What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk. ~Robert Wise~

Two ropes walk into a bar. The bartender says to the rope "Hey! we don't serve ropes in here" so one of the ropes left. The other rope frayed up his hair and tied himself in a knot. The bartender said to the rope "Are you a rope?" and the rope said " I'm afaid not" ~The Oregonian~

Why was the Tomato blushing? Because he saw the salad dressing. ~Josh Tallman~

A mom dad and baby tomato are walking down the street and the baby starts to lag behind so the dad goes back and smashes the baby and says "ketchup" ~Pulp Fiction~

A frog is looking for a loan, so he goes into a bank. He sits down at a desk and the name plate says "Patty Whac". He talks to Patty about the loan and she asks him what he has for collateral. The frog replies well I have this vase. He pulls the vase out of a bag to show her. Patty says "well thats just a cheap knick-knack". Then the owner notices the vase and says to himself "gee that's from the 17th century, it's worth tons of money" So he walks over to patty and says "Thats no knick-knake Patty Wha c give the frog a loan". ~Wakk0 Warner~

3 old men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first old man, "What is three times three"? "274" was his reply. The doctor says to the second man "It's your turn. What is three times three"? "Tuesday" replys the second man. The doctor says to the third man, "OK, Your turn. What's three times three"? "Nine" says the third man. "That's great" says the doctor. "How did you get that"? "Simple" says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday". ~Eric K.~

A termite walks into a barroom and asks, "Is the bar tender here?" ~Alecia Wolf~

How do you catch a squirrel? Climb into a tree and act like a nut... ~Phil Napier~

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Because he/she had no guts! ~Bob Kelly~

A little boy was visiting his grandmother and the young boy asked his grandmother,"grandma, how old are you"? She replied, "you shouldn't ask me questions like that". A few minutes past and the young boy asked his grandmother another question, "how much do you weight"? The grandmother replied, "you shouldn't ask me questions like that"!
The following week when the little boy went back to school he told his friends about the coversation he had with his grandmother and how he was unable to get an answer from her. The little boy's friends advised him to look on her drivers license, all t he information will be there.

The next week when the little boy was visiting his grandmother he told her he knew how much she weighed and how old she was. The grandmother didn't believe him until he told her,"you weight 130lb., and you are 65 years old". Then the little boy in a ba shfull way wispered to his grandmother, "I also know you got an F in Sex". ~Bob Kelly~

why didn't the chicken cross the road? Because he was too chicken.~drtbike~

What do John the Baptist & Winnie the Pooh have in common? Their middle name.~XYTrapp~

Why are there so many Johnsons in the phone book? They all have phones.~XYTrapp~

What do you call a person with lepersy in a bath tub? Stew.~John Stoffer~

Two old guys at an old folk's home shooting the breeze. One says "How's the memory?" The other says "Perfect, touch wood", and raps his knuckles on the table. 2 minutes go bye, and then he says "Somebody gonna get the door or what?"~Lardass~

Did you hear about the cannibal who passed his brother in the woods one day?~Neil Heiman~

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck!~d.j.w.~

A man goes to a psychiatrist, and tells him "Doc, I think I have an obsession with sex." The doctor agrees to examine him and begins by showing him various drawings. First the doctor draws a square and asks the man to identify it. The man immediate ly says "sex". Next the doctor draws a circle, which the man again identifies as sex. Thirdly, the doctor draws a triangle, which of course the patient identifies as "sex". The doctor puts the drawings away and says to the patient, "Yes, I do believe t hat you have an obsession with sex." To which the man replies, "I'm not the one with the obsession! YOU'RE the one drawing all the dirty pictures!"~Paul G.~

Why don't cannibals eat comedians? Because they taste funny.~Howard Burgess~

A skeleton is in a bar. He goes up to the bar. "A pint of lager and a mop please."~Howard Burgess~

"Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud." "Yes sir, it's fresh ground."~Howard Burgess~

What's brown and sticky? A stick.~Howard Burgess~

A horse walks into a bar, the barman says "why the long face?"~Stuart Davidson~

How do you catch a unique rabbit? U Neaq up on it. How do you catch a tame rabbit? Tame way, you neaq up on it.~Jim Molinari and Sammy~

How do you describe the average cannibal? A guy with a wife and ate children.~Corey Jones~

What did the cannibal do when he saw an 'All you can eat restaurant'? He had two waiters and a busboy.~Corey Jones~

Why are proctologists so gloomy? They always have the end in sight.~Corey Jones~

What do you give an elephant with diarreha? Lots of Room~Corey Jones~

Two men walk into a bar. You would think the second one would of ducked.~Shaun Haapala, Daniel L. Miller, and John Stoffer~

What does mozart do now that he is dead? He decomposes.....~Ernest D. Aguayo~

Why did the squirrel sleep on his stomach? To keep his nuts warm.~Taryn Anderson~

Whatdaya call a cow with two legs? Lean Beef. Whatdaya call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef. Whatdaya call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter, he ain't gonna come anyway... ~John Braden~

A woman asked her husband to go to the video store and get Scent of a Woman. Her husband came back with a Fish Called Wanda.~Ken Attebery and Marc Kletke~

What's big and brown and walks through walls? Spooky Dooky.~Jay Everett~

Why do they put bells on cows? Because their horns don't work!~Jim Luettgen~

Two sausages are in a pan. One looks at the other and says "god it's hot in here, and the other sausage says "OH MY GOD IT'S A TALKING SAUSAGE!"~Robert David Cox~

One day this guys house was on fire so he decided he better call the fire department. He got on the phone with the chief and the man was very frantic. The man said chief you have to get over her my house is on fire. The chief says calm down, how do we get to your house, and the man said you don't have those big red trucks anymore!~Anthony Makoski~

Did you hear about the cannibal who came home late for dinner and his wife gave him a cold shoulder?~Tony~

What do you call a sleepwalking nun? Roamin' Catholic.~unkown~

What's the worst part about eating vegetables? Those damn wheelchairs.~unkown~

There are three kinds of people in the world. Those who can count. And those who can't.~T. Blase~

Why did the bee cross his legs? Because he couldn't find the BP station.~Jen V.~

What did the apple say to the orange? Nothing stupid, apples don't talk.~Jen V.~

What do you do with a dog that has no legs? Take him out for a drag.~Kathy Nicol~

Why don't blind people skydive? Because it scares the crap out of their dogs.~Matt and Roxy~

What is the famous last words in surgery? Ouch!!~Matt and Roxy~

There was a lawyer that was talking to his client who just committed murder. He said "I have some good news, and some bad news. The bad news is that you're getting the electric chair." His client said "That's terrible!! Well, what's the good news? " The lawyer said "I got the voltage lowered."~Matt and Roxy~

A traveling salesman was driving down a country road when a rabbit ran in front of his car and he hit it. The proverbial farmer was sitting on the fence watching. The salesman gets out of his car and opens the trunk. He then removes an aerosol can and sprays the contents on the dead rabbit. The next thing you know the rabbit gets up and hops about 20 ft. down the road, turns and waves to the salesman, goes another 20 ft. and waves to the salesman. The salesman looks at the farmer and says "he'll be ok ay now." The salesman gets into his car and leaves. The farmer wondering what's going on walks over to the ditch where the salesman threw the can, picks it up and read the label which said FOR HARE RESTORATION AND PERMANENT WAVE.~Chuckles~

What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud.~Jim Spurrier~

A pork pie walks into a bar and the barman says sorry we dont serve food in here.~Dave Large~

What is the last thing that goes through a bug's mind as it hits a windshield? His butt.~Cohen and Tate~

Two male mushrooms are walking down the road. Walking towards them is a female mushroom all dressed up. They look at her. She ignores them both and walks right by. Then, the one male mushroom, in a very high pitched mushroom voice, says to the oth er: "Jeez, she didn't even look at us. What's wrong? We are a couple of fun-gis!"~John A. Judgate~

Whats the smartest thing a man can say? "my wife says"~Guest 7~

A farmer is milking his cow. As he is milking, a fly comes along and flies into the cows ear. A little bit later, the farmer notices the fly in the milk. The farmer looks up and says, "Hmph. In one ear, out the utter."~Mr. Ed~

How do you turn a cat into a dog? You tie up the cat, pour gasoline on it, light a match and watch him go WOOF!!!! How do you turn a dog into a cat? You tie up the dog, getan electric saw to cut him, and watch him go MEOWWWWW!!!!!! ~John Christoper Rey~

How do you get Dragon milk? From a cow with short legs.~Allen Smith~

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick.~Ed Kim~

What do you get when you put a canary in a blender? Shredded tweet~Timothy J. Tate~

Why can't a chicken coop have more than 2 doors? Because if it had 4 doors it would be a chicken sedan.~Sandra Johnson~

Why do seagulls fly over the sea? If they flew over the bay then they would be bagels.~Jon Smith~

What's clear and smells like carrots? A Rabbit fart.~Jon Smith~

What do you call a missing parrot? A polygon.~Steve Hagstrom~

An old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-up. While the man is with the doctor, the doctor askes him, "So how has life been treating you?" The old man replies, "The Lord's been good to me. Every night when I go to the bathroom, He turn s the light on and when I'm finished, He turns the light off." While the old woman is with the doctor, the doctor tells her what her husband said. She replied "D*mn it! The old fart's been pissin in the ice box again!"~Wendy~

What do you call a parrot wearing a raincoat? Polly unsaturated.~The Oregonian~

How is a divorce in West Virginia like a hurricane in Florida? Either way, you lose the trailer.~The Oregonian~

Have you heard about Ron Howard's new movie, a travel documentary about northern Europe? It's called "Mr. Opie's Holland"~The Oregonian~

Where does a one armed man shop? At a second hand store!~Emily Christain~

What's the difference between a mosquito and a fly? A mosquito can fly, but a fly can't mosquito.~Yatin~

Three guys are in a bar on the top of a cliff. The first guy says to the other guys "You know, if had just one more beer, I think I could fly." The second guy says "No Way!" So the first guy orders a beer and drinks it. Then all three guys walk ou t to the edge of the cliff. The first guy jumps off, starts falling to the ground, and then flies back to the top of the cliff.
The second guy is totally amazed, so he says "You know, if I had another beer, I bet I could do that too." So all three guys go into the bar, and the second guy has another beer. After he finished, he said "Ok, I will be able to fly now" So they all went outside and the second guy jumped off of the cliff and feel to the bottom, where he hit the ground and died instantly. The third guy turned to the first guy and said "You know Superman, you are a real jerk when you drink"
~Sandberg~

What Happened to the fly on the toilet seat? He got pissed off!~Preston & Tony~

A couple cannot wait to be married. They are driving home and hit a patch of ice, crash, die and go right to heaven. Appearing before Saint Peter, they tell him, "Saint Peter, we couldn't wait to get married, Could you get us married here in heaven ." Saint Peter pauses and says, "I'll see what I can do." Time passes and Saint Peter calls the couple to his office and tells them, "I have some good news, you are going to be married." They are married and are so happy. As time goes on, they go back to see Saint Peter. They tell him, "we want a divorce. This marriage isn't what we thought it would be. We can't stand it." Saint Peter responds,"give me a break, it took me 10 years to find a priest to marry you, it will take me forever to find you a lawyer."~Father Joseph Sica!

famous last words of a mafia hit man... "who put the violin in the violin case !"~Dhiraj~

Did you hear about the Barbie doll; it's called Divorce Barbie. She comes with all of Ken's stuff.~The Riddler~

What do you do if you see a person having an epilepsy attack in a bathtub? Throw your laundry in quick!~unknown~

How do you kill a blue elephant? Shoot it with a blue elephant gun. How do you kill a pink elephant? Choke it until it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun.~Got this one from a ton of people~

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? Wiped his butt.~Craig White~

How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one, but the lightbulb has to really want to change.~Craig White~

How do you top a car? Tep on the brake tupid.~FSUFAN~

What do you call a sleeping cow? A bulldozer.~FSUFAN~

How does it change many dyslexics to take a lightbulb?~FitzEbaby~

What do you call a man with a pint of beer on his head? Beartrix~Lousie-Kate~

What do you call a guy with no arms and legs on your doorstep? Matt~Lousie-Kate~

Did you know that five out of three people have trouble with fractions?~RugRat~

What do you get when you squeeze an olive? Oliver Twist!~Anita~

Didya hear about the procter and Gamble worker who fell in the vat of lotion? He softened to death~krlc~

Which of these things don't belong: A tuna, a lobster, or a chinese guy run over by a truck? The tuna. The other two are crustaceans.~Darcy~

Why doesn't Smoky the Bear have any children? Because every time his wife gets hot he beats her with a shovel!~Katherine~

Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she had no arms!~Candy Leeb~

Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of yarn? She had mittens!~Alice~

Why can't skeletons play music in church? They have no organs!~Alice~

How do you greet a 2-headed monster? Hello, Hello~Spencer~

What do you do when you are inside an elephant? Run around and run around til you're all pooped out.~unknown~

I once had a diamond but I took it for granite.~David~

what do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the water? Bob~David~

what do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on the wall? Art~david

What did the bald man say when he got a comb for his birthday? "Thanks, I'll never part with it!"~Mark~

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Holy spam! [9]

[SIZE=1]spam[/SIZE] [SIZE=1](sorry)[/SIZE]

lol (spam also)

peels rouy ni ezeens t'tnac ouY *

natnus a teg nac sgiP *

nottubylleb on dah kcochctiH derflA *

gnoK gniK saw eivom etirovaf s'reltiH *

raey a ni sdnoces 006,755,13 era erehT *

100th post woo hoo!

Correcting from my last post:

Everything was backwards:

* You can't sneeze while sleeping

* Pigs can get a suntan

* Alfred Hitchcock had no bellybutton

* Hitler's favorite movie was King Kong

* There are 31,557,600 seconds in a year.

Lol! me 2!!!!

Wow!!! [SIZE=6]My 100th post too!![/SIZE] what a coincidence

Edit: shit, it wasn't my 100th, but my 101st post.....

Anyways:

holy shit! my 101st post!

spam (spam) spam (spam) spam (spam) spam (spam) spam (spam) spam (spam) spam (spam) spam (spam)

[SIZE=1]Laser...![/SIZE] [SIZE=2]Laser...![/SIZE] [SIZE=3]Laser...![/SIZE] [SIZE=4]Laser get the fu** up Tokio Hotel is dead now allmost 10 years.......! [/SIZE]

(spamidi ,spami )