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Lucy`s dirty-mindness never ceases to amaze me... And i LLLike it!

Girls night out Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want…

I knew a similar one in my native language... but it involved cow shit & carts...

Seven indications, that Disney`s ''Vinnie the Pooh'' is a drug abuse propaganda: 1. Ia the Donkey - Slowed reaction, lack of motivation & doesn`t give shit about anything (Weed)2. Pig - Allways affraid of something, allways thinks something is following him (Magic Mushrooms aka ''Shrooms")3. Rabbit - Allways sticks his nose everywhere, needs everything (Cocaine)4. Tigger - Allways moving, can`t sit quiet even for a minute, never exhausted (Extacy)5. Christopher Robin - can talk with animals (ha…

Bush calls for his chief General:Bush: ''Have any of our ships sunken today?''General: ''No, Mister President''Bush: ''Very well. You may leave.''General leaves, Bush picks up phone:''Hey Vlad? A4 - missed!''

Once upon a time there aw a mirror, that eats everyone who`d lie in front of it.A brunette comes in front of it & says: ''I think i`m the most beautiful.'' And she gets eaten.Next comes a redhead & says: ''I think i`m the smartest.'' and she gets eaten aswell.Then comes a blonde & says: ''I think...'' And the blonde gets eaten.

Hospital. At the O.R., a man walks nervously back & forth. One hour passes... then the second... then the third... Out of the O.R. comes the surgeon, with a tragic facial expession:-I have bad news for you. In the third hour of the surgery, your mother p... -That`s not my mother, that`s my mother in law!-I have good news for you. In the third hour of the surgery...

HAZARDOUS MATERIALS INFORMATION SYSTEM MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET WOMEN: A Chemical Analysis ELEMENT: Woman SYMBOL: Wo DISCOVERER: Adam ATOMIC MASS: Accepted as 118 lbs., but known to vary from 110 to 550 lbs. OCCURRENCE: Copious quantities throughout the world PHYSICAL PROPERTIES: Surface usually covered with a painted film. Boils at nothing, freezes without reason. Melts if given special treatment. Bitter if incorrectly used. Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore. Yi…

Memo to all employees: In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T). We are trying to give our employees more S.H.I.T than anyone else. If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T on the course, pleasesee your supervisor. You will be immediately placed at the top of theS.H.I.T list and our supervisors are especially ski…

Red hat is walking through the forest, when the big, bad wolf pulls her into the bushes. She now thiks this is it & that the wolf will now screw her. She pulls up her skirt, pulls down her panties, then the wolf says: ''You stupid or somethin`? I`m not gonna f*ck you... hand over your wallet & watch!''

Q: Why is it so hard to find an intelligent, good looking & sensitive man?A: Most of them allready have boyfriends...(Sry... my mom made me do it xD)

And again, the above statements are completely true

Heavy Metal Our Hero enters the scene on a Harley Davidson, kills the Dragon, drinks some beer and f**ks the princess. Power Metal Our Hero enters the scene riding a white unicorn. He flees from the dragon, saves the princes and makes love to her in an enchanted forest. Thrash Metal The Hero enters the scene with a tank and 12 whiskey bottles. Drinks some whiskey, kills the dragon, drinks the rest of the whiskey, saves the princess and then f**ks her hard. Folk Metal Our hero arrives with some …

I think in this joke the minister was from a church... Not a (insert every swear word/insult/curse possible) politician.

You did post that one before...

Vodka is like a teleport... You start drinking it in one place, but wake up somewhere else...