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Search results 1-11 of 11.
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An Australian ventriloquist visiting Wales, walks into a small village... Aussie: "G'day Mate! Nice dog, mind if I speak with him?" Farmer: "Don't be stupid, the dog doesn't talk" Aussie: "hello dog, how's it going mate?" Dog: "Doin' all right." The farmer is astonished. Aussie: "Is this guy your owner?" Dog: "Yep" Aussie: "How does he treat you?" Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food andtakes me to the lake once a week to play." The farmer is in utter disbelief. Aussie:… -
Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong."Well," replies Paul. "you know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got very excited everytime I saw her?" "yes," replies Jeff with a laugh. Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed." "That's great!" say Jeff. "When are you going out?" "I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried…
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Once upon a time there lived a king.The king had a beautiful daughter,the princess. But there was a problem.Everything the princess touched would melt.No matter what;metal,wood,stone,anything she touched would melt.Because of this, men were afraid of her.Nobody would dare marry her.The king despaired.What could he do to help his daughter?He consulted his wizards and magicians.One wizard told the king,"If your daughter touches one thingthat does not melt in her hands,she will be cured." The king…
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Two doctors in practice in a small country clinic had to quickly hire a new nurse. They interviewed Nurse Nancy and decided to hire her. She had only worked two days when one doctor called the other to his office and said that they would have to let Nurse Nancy go. "Why, we just hired her?""Well, I think she is dyslexic and get thing backward. I told her to give Mr. Smith two shots of morphine every 24 four hours, but she gave him 24 shots in two hours and it almost killed him. I told her to giv…
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A lobbyist, on his way home from work in Washington, DC, came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, "Wow, this seems worse than usual. He noticed a police officer walking between the lines of stopped cars, so he rolled down his window and asked, "Officer, what's the holdup?" The officer replied, "The President is depressed, so he stopped his motorcade and is threatening to douse himself in gasoline and set himself on fire. He says no one believes his stories about why we went to war…
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A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring. He replies, "I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you." She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a Nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive." "Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a Nun kis…
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Bloke starts a new job at the zoo and is given three tasks. The first is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds. He starts on this when suddenly a huge fish leaps out and bites him. He is not going to let a fish have a go so he beats the offending fish to death with a spade. Realising that his boss is not going to be best pleased, he tries to find a way to hide the dead fish. He hits on the brilliant idea of giving the fish to the lions as lions will eat anything. So he throws the fish into the…
