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Girls night out Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want…

Catfish Stank----- A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel. She doesnt know which one to get, so she just grabs one and goes over to the register. There is a Wal-Mart associate standing there with dark shades on. She says, "Excuse me, Sir... can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?" He says, "Maam, Im blind, but if you will drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes. She didnt believe him but dropped it on the counte…

Was depressed last night so i called samaritans, i got a call centre in pakistan, i told them i was suicidal, they got all excited and asked if i could fly a plane

Two farmers go along the road. Suddenly a biker without a head drives by. One farmer: ''Whoa! What was that?'' The other says: ''Man, put your scythe over the other shoulder.''

A guy comes in a bar with a monkey on his shoulder. He orders a drink & let`s his moneky loose. The monkey, jumps on the bar, grabs a handfull of nuts, olives & eats them. He then jumps on the billiard table & swallows a billiard ball. Thye guy bottoms his drink, appoligizes for the damage done, pays & leaves. A week later the same guy comes to the same bar, with the same monkey on his shoulder. This time the monkey jumps on the bar, carefully takes an olive, sticks it up in his ass, pulls it o…

Q: What did the Tok'ra healer say to the Tau'ri patient who came in with a broken arm?A: Please open your mouth. Q: What did the Tok'ra healer say to the Tau'ri patient who had broken a leg?A: Please open your mouth. Q:How many Jaffa does it take to replace a lightbulb?A:Knowledge of Goa'uld magic is strictly forbidden. Q: How many Tok'ra does it take to screw in a lightbulb?A: Only one, but we Tok'ra have no use for your primitive, Tau'ri technology Q:Why did the wraith stop sucking the life o…