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The Husband Store A brand new store has just opened in New York City that sells Husbands. When women go to choose a husband, they have to follow the instructions at the entrance:- "You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are 6 floors and the value of the products increase as you ascend the flights". You may choose any Item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you CANNOT go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a …

A man is having a quiet drink in a pub when a tramp comes up and pulling a ferret from his pocket asks, "Wanna buy this for £50?" "What the hell would I want to buy that for?" asks the man. "This ferret will give you the best blow job of your life," the tramp says. The guy assumes his leg is being pulled, and bluntly tells the tramp to sling his hook. Undeterred, the tramp continues, "Look if you don't believe me, take it outside for a free trial." Wanting to get rid of the tramp, the guy takes…

OK, this is not a joke but it made me laugh: The following were taken from real resumes and cover letters. They were printed in the July 21, 1997 issue of Fortune Magazine: I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience. I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet progroms. Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year. Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave. Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions. Failed bar exam with relatively high grades. It…

The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed down from generation to generation, says that when you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount. In the Public Service, however, a whole range of far more advanced strategies is often employed, such as: 1. Change riders. 2. Buy a stronger whip. 3. Do nothing: "This is the way we have always ridden dead horses". 4. Visit other countries to see how they ride dead horses. 5. Perform a productivity study to see if li…

An expat Aussie is hanging out in his favourite bar in Phuket thinking about his wretched life, when he spots a fabulous babe walking in on the arm of some ugly tourist. He asks the bartender about her and is not surprised to discover that she's a prostitute. He watches her the rest of the night, thinking he has to get a piece of action but being an Aussie expat he's a bit bashful, does nothing and goes home frustrated.The next night he goes back to the bar, and sure enough, she shows up again, …

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary. Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot.The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angr…

NEW EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN 1. How to fill ice-cube trays. Step by step with slide presentation.2. Lavatory paper rolls: Do they grow on the holders? Roundtable discussion.3. Differences between the laundry basket and the floor. Pictures and graphics.4. The after-dinner dishes and silverware: Can they levitate and fly into kitchen sink? Examples on video.5. Loss of identity: Losing the remote to your significant other. Helpline and support groups.6. Learning how to find things, starting with lo…

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A man wakes up one morning to find a gorilla on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Gorilla Removers." He calls the number, and the gorilla remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes. The gorilla remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull. "What are you going to do", the homeowner asks? "I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and knock the gorilla of…