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hmm,Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play music in women's breast implants. The iBreast will cost £499 to £599. This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

A trucker who has been out on the road for two weeks stops at a brothel outside Atlanta. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down £500 and says: "I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!" The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my finest ladies and a three-course meal." The trucker replies: "Listen darlin', I'm not horny - I'm homesick."