Display More
Zakariah Skintight has been called the galaxy's most famous musician and one of the most remarkable success stories of the 28th century. He performs as lead singer and Nuclear Banjo player with his band, The Buttock Men. He is known for his laid back attitude, typically commenting only that "it's a bit of a larf, innit" when his antics cause a disaster. He was born Zakariah Frump on Janus IV in 2740 or 2761, the son of a Bex farmer. He was poorly educated and had a SIQ of 90; nevertheless, he took to rock music naturally. He moved to Anhur in 2778 and by 2782 had become famous on the planet for his outrageous exploits and musical ability.
By 2790, he owned a mansion on Hermes. Skintight owns Startled Productions which publishes his music and in 2790 signed a three-album deal with Hard? Cor!. In 2790, the studio released the band's long-waited album No Butts. It included hit songs Show me your scars, Kiss the ring, Ain't got no nostrils, Baby and I'll give you a million (if you touch me there again). Another smash hit was Jump (and I'll show you my Y-fronts), during performances of which Skintight would reveal his studded leather underwear. Skintight also held the Spittle Crown in the All-System Dribbling Competition until 2787. He returned to the competition on Crius in 2790 after three years of touring and again took the title despite the event attracting the largest number of competitors in its history. Around 2788, the band began a heavy tour schedule. In 2790 they performed their Rock Icon tour on planets around the Tri-System. A trajedy occured during a concert on Hermes when the A, B and E stands at Cephalalgia stadium collapsed after concertgoers started bouncing along to Jump (and I'll show you my Y-fronts)!. Disaster also struck the final tour performance at Tinnitus Stadium on Bex when 350,000 fans attempted to attend the show despite the venue only ticketing 120,000. An armed conflict broke out between ticket holders and those that missed out, ultimately lasting two weeks and prompting increased weapons sales on the planet. Skintight and his band are known for their excesses, with a notorious fondness for Talcum Powder, Bex Beer, Bexian Brandy and Pleasure Borgs. This has prompted police to increase teir presence at his performances. He has been charged with over 103 counts of Possession, Criminal Damage and Public Disorder.
The band was particularly known for their lavish and excessive parties. In 2790, the band held a "50th birthday" party for Skintight at his mansion on Hermes which attracted 75,000 people and increased local sales of Bex Beer, Warp Steroids and Sunflowers. Skintight gave an impromptu performance while drinking a gallon jug of beer through a straw in his nose. The event lasted over two months was later called "the biggest party of all time." He also held a 'Piss-up in a Brewery' party at the Braufƒhrer ale plant on Karatikus, whicih was named after a comment from an unhappy groupie. During the party, which was generally well regarded, he attempted to give a 200kph tour of the factory in his new Thashmobile 5000. The car crashed into the brewery's main storage tank and flooded the entire plant. Skintight was badly injured on Janus IV after getting high on Sunflowers and falling into the pen of the Hadeian Devil Yak at the Janus IV Zoo. Eight of the yaks attacked him for twenty minutes before he could escape, giving him blood poisoning from their bristles. Hundreds of fans attempting to rescue him were also poisoned, prompting authorities to put out a call for additional stocks of blood. Skintight survived and later said of the accident that "it wasn't much of a larf, mate."
--
Zak Skintight is a fascinating and almost hidden story in Privateer 2. His story is told through ten of the news updates that appear randomly each time you land your ship. They tell of a superstar rock and roll-style musician who lives to excess but is (almost) always unperturbed by the disasters that his various stunts take. Zak is first introduced in the character database in the booth; he's the only unlocked entry that doesn't seem to connect directly to something going on in Lev's story. Almost all of Zak's updates are actually game-related: the various disasters he causes change the price of commodities at the planets mentioned.
Skintight, Zakariah
29
Janus IV
Rock Musician
Ne Zakariah Frump, he is probably the galaxy's most famous musician, and still upheld as a youth icon despite his humble upbringing. The son of a Bex farmer, he left for Anhur at the age of 17, and within 4 years had already achieved planet-wide fame for his outrageous exploits and musical ability. Poorly educated and with an SIQ of only 90 [sub-average], he is nevertheless one of the century's most remarkable success stories.
Criminal Record: Over 103 counts of Possession, Criminal Damage and Public Disorder.Behind the scenes: Privateer 2 programmer Paul Hughes kindly reported that the photograph used for Zak's booth entry is actually Paul Chapman, the designer of the game's spectacular UI and its original European packaging, who played bass in a band when he was in college. He's the person in the left front row of the team photo.
Zak's first appearance is in Zak arrives on [planet] which will choose a random planet for a concert with the Buttock Men. It prompts a 20% increase in the price of warp steroids, Bex Beer and pleasure borgs on the planet in question.
Zak arrives on $LOCATION
Music reporter $CLIENT writes
Well, Zak Skintight and his band, the legendary Buttock Men, have just arrived on $LOCATION to play their latest gig. The excitement on the planet is palpable, with everyone thrilled to bits at the prospect of seeing the system's most famous musicians. There is a significant police presence, however, due to Zak and his retinue's notorious taste for Talcum Powder, Bex Beer and Pleasure Borgs.In Zak says...'No Butts' we get an advertisement for his latest album and confirmation that yes it is all butt themed. This one doesn't impact the game world.
Zak says...'No Butts'
NEW from Zak Skintight and the Buttock Men, their long-awaited album, 'No Butts'.
Featuring smash hits like:
Show me your scars
Kiss the ring
Ain't got no nostrils, baby
I'll give you a million (if you touch me there again)
Out NOW from Startled Productions, only 49 credsThe Buttocks' Biggest Bash! tells the story of Zak's crazy 50th birthday party. That's a bit of a contradiction with the initial bio, though, which says he's only 29! It marks a giant 75% increase in the price of warp steroids, sunflowers and Bex beer on Hermes.
The Buttocks' Biggest Bash!
Randy Yelp, socialite scribbler, writes
Well, I'm here at rock legends The Buttock Men's biggest party of all time, being held to celebrate lead singer Zak Skintight's 50th birthday. There's at least 75,000 people here in Zak's palatial mansion on Hermes, each choking down as much Bex Beer and Warp Steroids as they can get their hands on. As I write Zak is performing an impromptu number on the Nuclear Banjo while drinking a gallon jug of Beer through a straw up his nose. The question is, how long can it last? The party's been going for two months already, and guests are clamouring out for more entertainment. What do you think, Zak? 'It's a bit of a larf, innit'.He causes further problems on Hermes in Zak brings the house down! by accidentally destroying part of a stadium during a show. This causes a 25% increase in the price of all industrial goods on the planet.
Zak brings the house down!
Starsky Blackstone mixes with the stars
Work started today on the reconstruction of the Cephalalgia stadium on Hermes, which partially collapsed while playing host to Rock hyperstar Zak Skintight and his band, The Buttock Men. Trouble started when the band ripped into their smash hit 'Jump (and I'll show you my Y-fronts)!'. The crowd promptly started bouncing around like loons, desperate for the sight of Zak's studded leather underwear, when A, B and E stands suddenly collapsed, crushing around 250 fans to death. Contractors have offered excellent prices for Industrial materials necessary for repairs. We asked Zak for his comment, to which he replied 'It's a bit of a larf, innit'.Now that's what I call Death Metal is another disasterous concert story that ends in an active conflict between ticket-holders and fans who couldn't get in. It causes a 20% increase in Firearms on Bex.
Now that's what I call Death Metal
says our music correspondent, Jose Qire
Scenes of chaos abound at the Tinnitus Stadium, host to the last performance of The Buttock Men's Rock Icon tour of Bex. Over 350,000 eager fans descended on the stadium in the hope of getting tickets; only 120,000 were successful, and the lucky ticket-holders were immediately set upon by desperate fans. What started as an undignified scuffle has degenerated into a full-blown armed conflict, and planetary stocks of Firearms are low. The band have been trapped in the stadium for two weeks, though I managed to interview lead singer Zak Skintight while he sat in his dressing room, sipping a pint of Bexian Brandy. When asked what he thought of the conflict, he replied 'It's a bit of a larf, innit'. Way to go, Zak.In Rash crash causes splash at flash bash lash-up Zak crashes the Thrashmoible 5000 into a brewery on Karatikus driving up prices of lythia by 15%.
Rash crash causes splash at flash bash lash-up
Hack from hell Eno Barbus gives a report from the sharp end
Great reports from Rock emperor Zak Skintight's 'Piss-up in a Brewery' party at the Braufƒhrer ale plant on the planet of Karatikus. The result of a rash comment by a disillusioned groupie, it really has to be one of Zak's best bashes to date. One event slightly marred the celebrations, when Zak gave me an impromptu high-speed tour of the plant in his brand new Thrashmobile 5000. The 200kmh jaunt came to somewhat premature conclusion when Zak piled the 80,000 cred roadster into the brewery's main storage tank. The whole plant is now thoroughly flooded, and Lythia, a substance which absorbs water and carbon dioxide, is much in demand.Zak himself is finally injured in Pack of Black Yaks attack Zak!. This is the first one that *isn't* 'much of a larf'. 20% increase in bood prices on Janus IV.
Pack of Black Yaks attack Zak!
Belinda Keel is there to offer comfort
Zak Skintight, lead singer of rock funsters The Buttock Men, was in hospital on Janus IV last night, suffering from blood poisoning. It seems that Zak, giddy on Sunflowers, managed to fall into the pen of the ferocious Hadeian Devil Yak at the Janus IV Zoo. 5 metres high at the shoulder, black as midnight and covered in highly poisonous bristles, eight of these fearsome beasts savaged Zak for a good twenty minutes before the star made his escape. Hundreds of fans assaulted the Yaks in revenge, only to suffer the same fate as their idol. Blood is urgently required, although Zak appears stable (for once, eh?). How do you feel, Zak? 'It wasn't much of a larf, mate'.The last entry is The Zak is back!, which is... very gross. And it causes a 25% decrease in fresh water on Crius.
The Zak is back!
Impressionable groupie Andrew Bramley-Hill writes
It was the best of days and the worst of days on Crius yesterday, host to the All-System Dribbling Competition. Zak Skintight, legendary frontman of Rock superbeings The Buttock Men, regained the Spittle Crown after a three year absence due to touring and unconsciousness. Unfortunately, so many competitors entered that a huge 'pool of drool' has resulted, emitting a noisome stench. Once it has been processed there will be a considerable surplus of Fresh Water, although it will be recommended for agricultural use only. 'It's a bit of a larf, innit', said Zak when we asked him for comment.
